Do you come here often?

The Things We Do for Love

2012-01-12T21:24:00.005Z

For the most part, The Thinker and I don’t disagree on too many big items in life. We’re able to compromise and reach a win-win for both of us.

Let me tell you that is not at all the situation when it comes to our sports and the teams we hold close to our heart. The Thinker isn’t much of a college hoops guy, so he’s indifferent when I’m up late or demanding we watch the KU game. As for college football, that’s where I’m unconcerned. I mean do I have a reason to cheer for the Hawks in football? They didn’t win on conference game this last season.

Anyways, when it comes to the NFL, it’s on! I bleed green. I know so many think I would be a Chiefs fan having grown up in Kansas, but nope. I’m a Packers fan to the end. That can be attributed to many Sunday afternoons spent cuddled up with my grandpa eating popcorn, drinking root beer, and yelling at the TV. He can be credited for teaching me how to properly cuss out a ref. Trust me it’s one of the invaluable life lessons.

Now The Thinker, he loves those damn Cowboys. I cannot stand the Cowboys. So you can only imagine the amount of trash talking that takes place in our house. I didn’t help matters when I showed him the wreath I wanted to order for the front door to replace the holiday one…

Pretty freakin’ saweet! Isn’t it?

Well, I love my husband and this is an instance where I had to stand down. Sadly, that wreath won’t be making itself at home on our door any time soon.

*sigh* The things we do for love.

Mail other than bills

2011-12-15T21:31:00.000Z

Are holiday cards a thing of the past? I often wonder as I plan my yearly mailing. I have searched down the perfect box. I have spent time at the Paper Source seeking supplies to make my own card. This year, I made my own cards again, but took a little less time consuming approach than last year.

Last year, I took what I thought was a great picture of the Christmas tree on the capitol grounds. What do you think?

Not bad, right? Combine that with my crazy Pinterest obsession and I was certain to create something marvelous. Well, let's also add that to my competitive nature. I wanted our holiday card and note to stand out and ultimately be better than anyone else's. This is what we ended up with.

With the help of Snapfish, I was able to create the card. And I spent a lunch hour creating the "year in review" newsletter. (I'm thinking each year will bring about a variation on the year in review.) The review was then printed by the folks at Kinkos, who also trimmed the sides so it would fit perfectly in the envelopes.

So with those in the hands of several friends and family members, I'm able to cross off numbers 24, 46, and 47 off the 101 in 1000 days list.

Do you have plans to send a holiday card this year?

No Baby Zone

2011-10-05T21:11:00.000+01:00

This should come as no surprise given my prior rants. Iseriously do not want to be a mother.

Now that I’ve put it out there, do not start questioningme. I know I had no desire to get married and that changed, but trust me thisbaby thing is completely different. I don’t foresee my mind changing any timesoon. Telling me my eggs are growing stale, seeing other babies, or aging in generalis not going to sway me.

I have never had this strong desire to become a mom. As alittle girl, I didn’t like playing house. Instead, it was school or maybegeneral store. My sister and I even played board room. We’d using the diningroom table, seat our stuffed animals around, tape large sheets of paper to thewalls and start the update on the status of our store. Perhaps, we were a bit eccentric.You can ask her and she has no desire for children either. In junior high, I’dbabysit but I hated it. I did it one summer, decided enough of this, and madedamn sure I found a better job for the following year. I struggled when I hadto care for an egg. I think I secretly replaced mine at least twice.

Why do I bring this up? Well, one couple, who are our closestfriends in DC are expecting. C-Mac and his wife had a baby earlier this year.And another close couple is trying. Add that with the fact that The Thinker andI are married and the reminder that I’m in my thirties is just a clusterfuck ofbaby talk.

I don’t give a rat’s ass what the latest babyprofessional is telling you. I’m sorry that you can no longer enjoy a stiffdrink, but it’s not my problem. Even more I don’t care that you’re pants don’tfit. Join the club neither does mine.

The poor Thinker…he’s heard my pissing and moaning somuch during the past couple of weeks. I feel like I have to rationalize why I’vereached the decision I have. I feel like people cast judgment on me. I feellike people don’t believe me.

Trust me I have worried that there must be somethingwrong with me. What woman doesn’t want children?

As I have grown older, I have reached a peace with thischoice. I want a career and I don’t think a woman can have both. (Sorry ladies.I know so many of you will try to convince of otherwise.) The Thinker and Ireally like where our life is right now and don’t like the idea of it changing.Call us selfish bastards we don’t care.

Bottom line. I don’t want to be a mom and I really don’twant to hear all the damn baby/mommy talk.

Why do I let it paralyze me?

2011-10-04T20:54:00.000+01:00

I sat quietly sipping my wine and nodding so people wouldn’tlearn of my dark secret. I could feel my gaze shift downward to avoid eyecontact. I was certain people were going to start asking questions. My mindcontinued to race with possible answers. Could I simply deflect the questionand bring up the game? Would I have to explain how I really felt? Even more,why is it such a freaking big deal?

Once I get to a place where I can articulate my thoughts, I’ll share. Right now, I justwonder why women, especially, make this such a big part of their identity.

Just Because He Loves Me

2011-09-23T02:52:00.000+01:00

I know I haven’t spent much time with you lately. And for that I apologize. Work is out of control. I took a position with a trade association with the promise of work-life balance. Well, let me tell you I was boondoggled. I’m working long hours, like 50-60 hours weeks. Not sure about you, but this is not balance. Compound that with crazy and I mean crack whore crazy bosses. Now that you have an idea as to what I’m dealing with week after week, let’s move on to the ray of sunshine in my life.

So I gush and gush some more about the amazing man in my life - The Thinker. If you don’t give a rat’s ass about this, now is your time to move along.

Still with me? Good.

Never in a million years did I think I would have the man I have as my husband today. Hell, I never thought I would get married.

I logged on to my work email this morning. Foolish move. I know. Anyways, I had received close to 50 emails over night, most had been sent between 12:30 and 2:00 am. Yes, am. I knew immediately that it was going to be another day from hell. I also knew this equaled me having a late night and missing Opera in the Outfield. Still salty about that.

The first thought was to tell The Thinker. Partly so I could just vent my frustration, but also because I wanted to give him fair warning. He might just have to fend for himself as far as dinner was concerned.

Once arriving to the office, I was not the only one with a full in-box awaiting me. The long faces and silence told me everything I needed to know. I continued to repeat my mantra...”I’m a duck. The bullshit of this place rolls off my back like water. I’m a duck...”

Yes, I need to repeat it many, many times for it to stay with me. As I’m well into the email and silently chanting, the receptionist calls around 9:30 am to let me know I have received flowers. “Flowers?” I ask. “Must be some mistake.”

After receiving confirmation one more time, I walk downstairs to find this awaiting me...

My loving husband has sent me flowers because he knows it’s going to be a long brutal day. The card was a simple, “I love you, gorgeous.” Kid you not, The Thinker had me all teary-eyed. This man must be on a mission to assure me married life is pretty saweet! And for that I’m forever grateful.

Oops! We did it again...

2011-08-10T20:32:00.000+01:00

We did it again. Can you believe this?

As you may recall, we had to purchase a new mattress back in October. Yes, just last year. The first one we went with didn’t work, so it was returned and we paid to upgrade to the best option Mattress Warehouse on the hill had to offer. Well, not even a year later and we’re having the same damn problems.

It started on The Thinker’s side, so we rotated believing that would alleviate the problem. After a few nights it was so bad I couldn’t sleep on it. And to top it off, my side was breaking down too. We have raked our brains trying to figure out what went wrong.

When we purchased the last one in October, we also got a new platform bed and tossed the old metal frame. We’re now using a platform bed without the box springs. Maybe we really need a mattress style that can be flipped. Although, there’s just so much uncertainty because a mattress should last for at least 10 years, right?

And I know you’re going to say it’s the extracurricular activities in the bedroom. We thought of that, but trust me it really does slow down after marriage. But we’ll save that for another time. Anyways, do you have recommendations as to the next mattress we purchase? I’d also love to hear your theories as to why we’re wearing them out so quickly.

Daydreaming about the weekend

2011-08-08T16:26:00.000+01:00

Sunday was one of those days I wish I could live over and over again. It was what I considered be a perfect Sunday.

The kitty let us sleep without her usual stroll across our heads at 5:30 am followed by the nudges to the shoulder. Instead she stayed curled up sleeping contently. We woke from our slumber around 9:30 am, and we’re able to take slow rolling start to the day.

Despite the nasty humid weather, we enjoyed breakfast at one of my favorite neighborhood spots. I find their French toast to be a bite of sweet heaven. After breakfast we wandered down to the old neighborhood to stop by CVS. (I still haven’t managed to switch my prescription location.) Walking back we stumbled across a sign for an art festival at the Yards Park for later that afternoon. Seeing that there would be whiskey, of course, The Thinker was on board.

We made it home to cool off and get a load of laundry in the washer before heading back out. It was then while I was spending some QT with my laptop on the sofa and The Thinker doing the same in his study that it started. I was 100 percent certain that The Thinker was up to no good when I heard the noise. It was like a clapping or slapping noise. Instead of investigating, I stayed on the couch yelling at him to knock it off. He followed a similar approach until he realized it wasn’t me. Instead he found our ceiling fan acting a fool in the bedroom. It is now hanging by the wires. I am convinced it will be on the floor by the time we return home from the office.

This picture doesn't do the mess justice, but you get the idea. Darn cell phone camera.

Thankfully, this didn’t slow down the day. We still checked out the arts, which was a bit of a joke. On the way home, we slipped into an open house near our place to bring us back to reality. If only money grew on trees because I would love to call that place home. The night was spent watching bad TV and worrying about the ceiling fan. I’m not sure if I didn’t sleep well because our mattress is having issues again or because I was scared the fan would come crashing down during the middle of the night.

#90. Start an herb garden - COMPLETE

2011-08-03T03:22:00.001+01:00

The past week or so at the office has been maddening. Long story short...I’m essentially caught in the middle as two directors battle for control. So my life has been spent trying to please two masters. And as one can imagine that has left me exhausted when I get home.

My weekends, however, have still been busy trying to make a dent in the items on my list of 101 items. Today let’s cross off item #90. Start an herb garden. Say hello to my little garden.

My little garden includes basil, rosemary, tarragon, thyme, chives and a pepper plant. See my little pepper. (You'll have to look really close. Can't see it? Well, then you'll just have to trust me.) I’m quite proud of that lil’ guy. I used some of the rosemary last night when cooking dinner and I truly believe those potatoes were the best I have ever roasted.

If this summer hadn’t been so freakin’ hot, I would expand my little container garden to include a salad box. However, I’m afraid it may be too late in the summer for that. Guess there’s always next year.

And here’s a bonus shot featuring my artistic side that was inspired by my sweet kitty. Don’t worry. There aren’t any plans to quit the day job.

#75 - Give Up Coca Cola for 3 Months - COMPLETE

2011-07-25T18:32:00.000+01:00

Remember that pesky list? You know the one where I listed 101 things I would like to accomplish in 1,001 days? Well, it’s been quite some time since I’ve updated everyone of the progress despite crossing somethings off. Let’s play catch up this week, shall we?

I set out to give up Coca Cola for three months thinking I’d pick up right where I left off when the three months was over. I had no idea that I essentially ruined Coke for myself. Coke is now way too sweet. People suggest I try Diet Coke. I’m an all or nothing kind of girl for starters, so Diet Coke or Coke Zero was never really an option. Not to mention I think it taste a bit like a science lab.

Overall, it’s good. I was hoping I’d lose a pound or two from this, but not so much the case. I have started drinking more water, but then that could be attributed to the crazy heat wave sweeping the nation. Although, I want to believe I’m getting healthier. The elimination of Coke has also helped a great deal with my teeth.

Now to eliminate all soda. That’s the next step. I'll enjoy a Sprite, 7Up or ginger ale a few times a week, but not at the great quantities I was throwing back the Coca Cola. Regardless, did you know the average American consumes anywhere between 500 to 750 calories just in their beverage selections. Crazy, right? Now to limit myself to water and tea for daytime drinking. Because we all know I cannot sacrifice the malbec or bourbon in the evenings. Girl’s gotta have priorities.

Tomorrow we'll talk about herbs. I betcha just can't wait.

Can you believe it?

2011-07-22T19:20:00.000+01:00

Can you believe six months ago at this moment I was soaking my feet for a pedicure while enjoying a mimosa in Las Vegas as I was getting ready for my wedding? Still sounds a little surreal to me too.

When I returned a married woman, I kept waiting for that moment where I’d feel different. Where I’d feel like a married woman. Well, I have given up on that change to hit me because I think the that moment has passed and I didn’t realize it at the time.

Let me explain. When The Thinker and I first moved in together I struggled with the transition. There were some nights I wasn’t sure I was even ready to come home after getting off work. I’d sit in the park near our apartment and read or talk on the phone with my sister. It’s not that I didn’t want to see him. I just hadn’t gotten use to living with someone. I had to adjust to him home before me and ready to talk the moment I walked in the door. I had to adjust to not having any real “me time” and doing whatever my little heart desired when I got home. It was like my little routine had been thrown out of whack.

There were nights when I was afraid I was going to break us because of that…that I was somehow beyond repair. The rational side of me knew this was a normal response. It had been years since I had shared living space with someone else, yet alone someone I loved with every ounce of my being.

The moment I agreed to move in with The Thinker I had made the decision that he was the one. He was the man I’d spend the rest of my life with. It was as if that moment was when something changed - I was married in my heart on May 1, 2009 when we moved in together. It just took us until January 22, 2011 to make it official under the eyes of the law and with our families.

Back to six months ago, I was just ready. My heart ached that my grandpa wasn’t there to hold my hand and make all the family-related anxiety go away. I was so eager to marry the man who met every requirement on my checklist (well, all but one), but I knew his embrace would have the calming effect I needed. I was a woman on a mission as I walked down the hall to meet him for pictures before our ceremony.

I was ready to start the next chapter in my life. And thus far, it’s shaping up to be a wonderful love story.

Once you've quite dreaming, you've lost your soul

2011-07-15T22:27:00.000+01:00

It’s been almost a month since the conversation took place, but I can’t shake the feeling of embarrassment that washed over me when I was asked to share “what would you do with a million dollars?” when out with friends at dinner.

Kind of crazy, isn’t it? I just froze. I didn’t want to respond with something like others at the table. I wanted to be an original, but I really haven’t thought about it. Maybe because I don’t play the lottery so there’s no chance that I’d just come into an extra million. Or perhaps, I’m just too busy with the grind of life that I haven’t properly day dreamed in a while. I'm not really sure I even have a reason.

So, what would I do with a million dollars? Would I quit my job? Would I stay in Washington, DC?

Well, quickly, I’d pay off my debt and invest in a home. There’s a piece of me that really wants to find its way back to the Midwest. I’m thinking Chicago or maybe Denver. (Technically, Denver isn’t the Midwest, but close enough.) And I’d get myself a pair of really nice over the top shoes. Wait, what am I say a pair, I’d invest in at least a dozen pairs, starting with this one, and this one and yes, this one. Lastly, I’d insist that The Thinker and I spend at least 3 months traveling to those places we really don’t think our lives would be complete without visiting. As much as it pains me, we’d even head to Mongolia.

Of course, all of that would have me quitting my job without hesitation. Once I got back from the traveling and the shopping, I’d follow my passion. And that’s where you got me. Where you identify the problem with that plan.

I can’t tell you what my passion is. One minute I want to be a personal chef. The next I want to take on event planning or maybe I want to be a writer. Turn around and ask me five minutes later and I want to open a tea shop. Wait, I want to raise race horses. No, no. I want to teach.

I guess that’s part of why I couldn’t answer the question. I don’t what I’m passionate about. I feel like I’ve lost my way a bit. Regardless, The Thinker and I have came to the same conclusion – we cannot continue down the path we’re on now. The next few weeks, months, etc. will be devoted to figure this out.

My grandpa told me when he ventured out to DC with me so I could follow a dream that “once you quit dreaming you’ve given up your soul.” Well, I think it’s about time I start dreaming again.

Let's create a book club

2011-07-12T16:45:00.000+01:00

Reading over my 101 list and realized it’s time I take the advice of one of my lovely readers. I’d like to start a book club with my bloggies and twitter peeps.

Here’s what I’m thinking. We meet once a month, say the first Saturday of the month at 9:00 am. (Not sure about that. Just throwing it out there, so don’t panic sleepy heads.) As to the books, I would propose the New York Times best seller list. Now how each book is determined…well, I’m working on that. Regardless, the book would be selected from the current bestseller list.

So, do I have anyone interested? I would like to kick this off in September after Labor Day. See I’m very considerate of your summer vacay plans and beach time. Email or leave a comment if you want to participate and we’ll figure out the details as we go.

I look forward to reading and even more meeting you!

P.S. If this dissolves into a group that shares coffee or cocktails on a regular basis, I wouldn’t be upset about that either.

Did you know the Fourth of July is my favorite holiday?

2011-07-01T04:30:00.006+01:00

Did you know the Fourth of July is my favorite holiday? I hold some of the best childhood memories surrounding the Fourth. There was no fighting over the gifts like at Christmas. Mom wasn’t cranky because she spent all day cooking Thanksgiving dinner. We didn’t have to get up before the sun to make it to a church service I had no desire to attend. Nope, it was the most chill and yet fabulous day of the entire year.

My sister and I would start plotting our fireworks strategy the last day of school in May. And of course, we started saving for our major purchases right after Christmas. Dad really got into the Fourth and helping us blow things up, so he'd often add even more to our savings. Without a doubt, it’s the one holiday that I can remember my dad staying home for all day. Yes, he’d leave on Thanksgiving to fix someone’s clogged toilet. He’d jump at the chance to fix a hot water heater on Christmas. (He was a plumber, in case you hadn't figured it out.) But the Fourth, he was untouchable.

The three of us - and then four when my brother decided to crash the party - would head out to the school’s after-prom fireworks stand right outside of town where there were no limits. We could select whatever we could carry in our arms. Did I mention we would practice carrying all kinds of little things and big things in preparation for the big day? Yeah, we would use a combination of tinker toys, legos and empty Pringles cans to ensure we could carry the most come the big day.

Dad would laugh and tease us. He’d even get in on the fun picking out some of the craziest new things like chickens that would lay balls of fire. We then would head home with our bags of loot and spread it out on the driveway where we would plan the family fireworks display. Once that was in order, we would throw snaps, light off black cats and watch snakes grow. When those were done, we’d move on to the smoke bombs. Although, mom always made us save a few of them for later in the evening claiming they were great bug repellant. Personally, I think she just hated the smell.

With our daytime options requiring a flame coming to an end, we would go swimming or help shuck corn for the big BBQ my parents always hosted. People would always show before the start time to join the fun in the pool or help out. Around 6:00 pm the burgers and brats would hit the grill. Mom’s bowl of potato salad would make an entrance and the kids would fight over the deviled eggs.

When we couldn’t eat any more, everyone would anxiously wait for the sun to go down while eating cold slices of watermelon and for the show to begin. We’d light roman candles, Saturn missiles, fountains, bottle rockets and who knows what else those things were called with our cousins. Dad would lead the charge and make sure we didn’t hurt one another. The rest of the family would ooh and aaah like we were really wowing them. Then we’d always end the night with sparklers before heading inside exhausted and sunburned.

Living in the nation’s capitol, I feel sort of deprived when the Fourth rolls around. Ridiculous, I know. One the biggest fireworks displays in the country and yet, I would rather hit a roadside stand and set off roman candles back in small town Kansas. Even if I was to do so today I doubt it would be the same. I don’t talk to my dad. My sister seldom comes home and my brother would rather hang out with his friends. And grandpa isn’t there to encourage the things that we knew we shouldn’t do, but he’d cover for.

But sometimes, it’s just comforting to reflect on the memories. I hope everyone has a happy and safe three-day weekend!

Forgive me?

2011-06-22T02:44:00.000+01:00

So it's been a while, since I've dropped you a note. Hopefully, you won't hold it against me. I've been busy making the new apartment a home. In this little adventure, I've learned a valuable lesson. The Thinker doesn't give a rat's ass what I do as long as there is a bed and toilet. I don't even think the man needs a kitchen or shower. Sometimes, I really wonder what it would be like to have such simple desires.

Nope, I want to take on crazy projects like build this TV credenza from IKEA Rast dressers. Pretty saweet, isn't it?

With that complete, I then took on stripping a buffet found on Craigslist and repainting it a pretty gray. It's that piece to the right of the table in the picture below. That was a real pain in my ass making me rethink my choice. I really thought I would save a couple of bucks. That was achieved when looking at the big picture, but I spent as much on paint remover as I did the actual buffet. Yet, another lesson learned.

I haven't forgotten you. We're just settling into married life and working to build a life together. I hope all is well with each of you!

Back to work!

2011-05-19T16:01:00.004+01:00

The weight has been lifted. My confidence is returning. I feel better about me again. It's crazy how something like holding a job can really impact that piece of you.

I start work next Tuesday at a speciality bar association as their Associate Director of Marketing. For the longest time, I had wanted to work in the field of legal marketing specifically for a law firm. I thought it was my dream job. I still think I would enjoy it and thrive for that matter. But the lay-off has left me a little gun shy. Not to mention, I have had a hell of time breaking into that career field.

I'm headed back to my comfort zone, but on a bigger level. As I have grown older and met with potential employers, I realized I want different things from a job. I want to feel valued. I want to be challenged. I want to have balance.

That last one has received increased importance. I find peace knowing I won't be tied to my desk for 50 plus hours a week. I like the thought of having close to a month of leave within the first year.

I have now reached a point where my job remains a big piece of me, but it's not the only thing. I now have a pretty awesome husband and personal life I don't want to let fall by the wayside again. It's all about maintaining balance.

*****

Wait, before I had a chance to hit publish, I received a call from a firm. After talking things over with them, they would like to consider making a counter offer. Now I need to explore if I can back out of things if I find their offer more lucrative or desirable. Holy hell! When it rains it pours, huh?

Don't worry I'll keep you posted. And if you have thoughts, advice, etc. please share. There might be something I'm totally missing.

Update... I received a follow up call from the law firm. In a way I'm thankful they didn't make a counteroffer, which makes all of this easier. I can start work on Tuesday and not second guess my decision.

A ride I wasn't ready for

2011-05-10T17:02:00.004+01:00

The past couple of weeks have been rough on me. It’s like riding an emotional roller coaster and I never know when I’m on a peak about to head back down at racing speeds.

It’s like I’m experiencing the stages of grief. The first two weeks were denial. Not going to lie to you. I was in heaven not working. I was viewing the layoff as the universe’s way of telling me I had worked hard for over 15 years and it was time to take some much earned me time. I was heading to yoga, enjoying late morning lattes with the daily paper, and tackling home projects that I had put off for so long.

Well, that state of blissful denial ended I’d say early this week when I went on a tirade that would make a sailor blush. The Thinker was threatening to record the whole outburst with his new Flipcam to share on YouTube because he’s just certain some other husbands would enjoy it. Let’s just say that only added to my fury and did not at all leave me amused. The anger phase has seemed to be rather short and I believe I have skipped over the bargaining phase and went straight to depression. (Knowing me, I’m just doing this out of order and will start bargaining sometime next week.)

As I mentioned, The Thinker and I moved into a larger two-bedroom apartment late last month. I have been spending the last couple of weeks distracted with the assembling of IKEA bookcases and unpacking. Last night, I had to make a trip to Home Depot for lumber and a Phillips head screwdriver. This morning when I went to assemble the last of the IKEA purchases, I could not find the damn screwdriver. I went apeshit! I mean it was crazy how one little $0.88 screwdriver pushed me over the edge. I laid into The Thinker and after returning from the car, where the screwdriver fell out of the bag and was chilling in the trunk, I promptly apologized.

I proceeded to let out all these feelings. I feel like I’m in some warped state of purgatory and I have lost all control. Let’s be honest for a moment here…I don’t shower until about an hour before The Thinker heads home from work because I just don’t care. I will say I do shower if I need to run to the store or have an interview. Those moments are the only times I feel like I have any purpose. Otherwise, I’m just bonding with the cat, applying for jobs, trying to woo a prospective employer at an interview or over the phone screening or I’m assembling shit just to feel like I accomplished something for the day.

My worries have now shifted to money. I had saved a fair bit to get by for a couple of months to pay the minimums on my consumer debt, but that is going to be tapped out in about another month. The Thinker reassures me we will be okay, but there is this piece of me that feels my independence has been stripped away. Don’t get me wrong. I love my husband with all of my heart. I just need something that I could do without his help – that was afforded me with my job. I was able to make some financial contributions to the household and could pay my debt down. I was finally starting to make real progress, like I was on track to be debt free in 18 months. That has since been derailed.

I know The Thinker will be there by my side to help get us through this. We took those vows of “for richer or poorer.” I just worry I’m bringing an undue strain on this marriage within the first year. I know. I know. The more I fester over it; the more that will be the case. I just haven’t reached the point of acceptance. Instead, I have spent the last hour assembling a night stand and crying. Let’s hope acceptance arrives soon because I fear the desperation will start to seep into my voice in interviews if it hasn’t already.

Touching base

2011-04-20T15:40:00.004+01:00

Since I'm home with the cat and she really doesn't seem to understand what I'm telling her, I have to share with you. My eyelids are itching like mad. I mean I want to rip them off and probably would if not for the fact that my eyeballs would dry up and fall out. Anyways, just keep that in mind as you catch up with me. I am distracted by the severe itching.

The job search is still underway. I provided references to one firm that I would greatly enjoy working for, but am uncertain why they even requested them when they have yet to follow up with them or me for that matter. It's been almost a month and I'm a little on edge.

Monday I had an interview with another firm that within the first 15 minutes I realized was not for me. I was called back for a second interview yesterday. The more I think about it the more I find the position to be well below my skill set and the pay is even further below what I'm worth.

On the upside, I had a reassuring phone conversation with a recruiter that has landed me the first screening phone interview with a firm I'd enjoy being at tomorrow afternoon. He believes I have the skill set and the fact that my desired salary is less than what they were thinking works in my favor. Fingers crossed because I'd really like to move up in the world.

Don't get me wrong. I would "settle" for the position I interviewed for on Monday and again yesterday if there was an offer only because...well, I need a job. As sweet as it is to wake up around 8:30 am, take a rolling start to the day, work out, watch Ellen and basically do whatever my little heart desires, I want to be back to work.

Thankfully, this is the week we move. Yay! So I have felt much more productive and have been busier, which makes it much easier to fall asleep. I am even more relieved that I only have a few more days of living with this left.

And don't worry, we're hiring movers. This will be sure to guarantee the wedded bliss continues!

Sometimes you just have to roll with it

2011-04-06T16:24:00.003+01:00

Let me start with an apology for being absent for a while. I share a photo of myself and then poof I disappear. Trust me when I say that was not at all my intent, but life has had a few other things in mind.

As I have mentioned, I am in the process of a serious job search. The urgency was only escalated last Thursday when I received my termination notice. I knew it was coming and I really had no hope for being secure until the initial May 9th date stated in the WARN notice. However, with that said it was not any last shocking to realize I'm now a part of the 13.5 million unemployed Americans. Like holy shit, right?!

I have been on more interviews than I care to count and have started to receive the rejection letters. You know..."the it was such a pleasure to meet you, but we have decided to hire someone else." I am excited to report I had a good interview with a firm I'd very much enjoy working for on Monday and references have been provided. Please keep your fingers crossed. I mean there are shoes I want to buy.

In the meantime, there is a small piece of me that has enjoyed this time all to myself. Let's keep in mind it hasn't quite been a week and I'm getting anxious already. I get up around 8:00 am and then get a workout in. I then bake like it's my new job and wait for The Thinker to come home.

I enjoy having the time and desire to hit the gym again. Fingers crossed I get back to the pre-Thinker weight and size. I find that in times of great stress the gym has proved to be my sanctuary. It's almost like I need to feel the burn of my muscles, the stitch in my side and the sweat trickling down my back. I need to feel that in order to confirm I'm still alive and that I have control over something.

I have also started meditating, but I think I need to head back to guided meditations. Such a shame I don't have a job, which provides those as a benefit. Guess it's true - you never realize how good you have some things until they're gone.

Anyways, right now I've learned sometimes you just have to roll with it. We'll see how long I maintain that little attitude.

The big reveal

2011-03-16T17:37:00.005Z

I've spent the morning going through the hundreds of photos from the wedding photographers. It's quite tough trying to decide which to include in the professional album, which to include in the parent albums and which to hang in our apartment. And here I thought the decisions were over when it came to wedding related stuff.

Becuase I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world on my wedding day (BTW, professional photographers do amazing things!), I’ve decided it’s time to share a photo. Now, please don’t judge too harshly.

Here's hoping it works itself out

2011-03-11T21:33:00.003Z

For the last couple of days, my tummy feels like I’ve been riding a nonstop roller coaster at high speeds. Before heading home for the day on Wednesday, we learned our fate and job stability or lack thereof. The partnership voted to dissolve and the intention is to provide payment until May 9 with the bank’s approval.

Once I returned from Las Vegas and saying my vows, I have been conducting a comprehensive job search. When I stopped to think about it yesterday morning, I’ve been seriously searching for a job for almost a year nonstop. Let me tell you it sucks! Even more so when you landed what you thought was the first stepping stone on the career path you have wanted for over five years.

There have been a few positives and those have been balanced out with the not so positives. I had what I believed was a killer interview a few weeks ago with a firm I’d very much enjoy working for. They called my references and even secured the background check that all employers now feels necessary on Tuesday. Not having heard from them with a sweet job offer, I touched base Wednesday afternoon. (I wanted to ensure I gave them ample time to approach me.) I learned they were finishing up final interviews and would be in touch later this week or early next.

Well, it’s Friday around 4:30 pm and my phone has yet to ring. To say I’m a basket case would be a major understatement. I have never found myself in a situation where I may be without a job and not have something new to head to. Since I was 14 years old, I worked at least 20 hours a week. During college, I worked two jobs – one full time and one part time. I have always worked and to now find I might be unemployed through no fault of my own I have a wave of emotion rolling through me. I’m pissed, scared, disappointed, etc.

The Thinker continues to reassure me that we’ll be just fine. I don’t doubt we will. I just worry about me because right now I don’t feel like I will be.

101 in 1000 Days: Update

2011-03-02T16:57:00.002Z

Remember that pesky list where I outlined 101 things I wanted to accomplish in 1000 days? I wrote that back in September so I could see how you would forget.

I haven’t forgotten to work on crossing items off the list. I just haven’t been very diligent about updating you on my progress. If I don’t say so myself, I have made solid progress. I am now able to cross off the following:

9. Get a professional photo taken for LinkedIn, Twitter, etc. I still have mixed feelings about revealing my picture to you, but that may change especially now that I have gotten all the wedding photos back. We’ll see…

36. Marry The Thinker. How could you not know about this one, right? I will be sharing photos as promised.

71. Organize the spice cabinet & toss those that are expired. This took much longer than I anticipated. I have a hell of a lot of spices and even crazier, I use all of them pretty consistently. I like consistency, so I ordered these jars off Amazon. They are pretty freaking sweet along with a label maker. The Thinker is not as impressed as I am, but then it’s not like his opinion matters on this one.

72. Replace the expired spices. After surveying what I had and what should probably go, I only needed to replace three items – onion powder (I was out.), red pepper flakes and saffron. There are a few more I’d slowly like to add to the cabinet that are a little more exotic, so if you know of any good online stores do share.

95. Conduct a purge of old/expired beauty products. Who knew this would be so therapeutic? What started as just cleaning up the makeup basket resulted in tackling the medicine cabinet along with the cabinet under the sink. When all said and done, I think I had an entire garbage bag full. At first, I struggled to toss some things. Any girl knows that stuff adds up, but then once the first bottle went in it became much easier. And really, does one girl need four different kinds of black mascara?

96. Purge clothes & shoes that I haven’t worn in the last year. Given The Thinker and I are moving on up and into a larger apartment, the timing was prefect for this. In the end, I have three bags of clothes and one of shoes that I need to take to Goodwill. As I ordered a new Cole Haan bag from RueLaLa this morning, I should probably do the same with purses.

98. Go to a professional basketball game. The Thinker helped me cross this one off the list without even realizing it. He’s a huge Mavs fan. (I don’t hold it against him.) He was like a little boy when he realized they were playing the Wizzards on a Saturday night. Of course, we had to be there. We had such a good time that we are seriously considering a small season ticket package.

Don’t know about you, but I’m kind of tired seeing everything listed out. I can already tell I am going to have challenges with the “Let’s Get Physical” category.

Is it possible?

2011-03-01T21:25:00.000Z

I had to go and complain about nothing changing. Don’t panic on me yet. Nothing has changed with us, ie The Thinker and me. We’re still married and happily, I may add. It’s the professional front. This is not something new for me. I find that I often get the personal side of things all in order for the professional side to fall apart or vice versa.

In December, I switched it up again professionally to finally set myself on a career path – at least one that I really had my heart set on. Now I’m here and the place is not doing so hot, as in I’ll probably be unemployed in by the end of the month unless my interview goes really well tomorrow and my current employer will cease to exist. (Keep your fingers crossed.)

So is it possible to have personal and professional life in balance and both be fulfilling? Someone tell me it’s not a dream and actually mean it.

It's official

2011-02-02T19:21:00.002Z

It’s official. According to the state of Nevada, The Thinker and I are now husband and wife. I know. I know. It’s taken me a while to touch base with all of you. Sorry about that.

Married life is rather anticlimactic. You spend all of this time working to make one day perfect and then that day is over in a matter of minutes. After drinking a white wine spritzer upon returning from hair, makeup and nails, everything just became a blur. No, I didn’t have one too many spritzers. You just find yourself on a tight timeline and so many people running up to get their face time with you that you don’t always get to step back and admire everything.

Stepping back after a week and reflecting on everything, I wish some things would have gone differently or that I would have had enough foresight to make adjustments. Trust me I don’t have any regrets in saying “I do” to the man I love because The Thinker makes all right in my world. God knows my meltdown the Friday night before the ceremony proves he can make all right when his arms wrapped around me was the only thing that could make the tears stop.

As expected, my biggest stress was my family. Leading up to everything, I continuously expressed reservations to The Thinker. I was most stressed that of the small guest list his friends and family comprised about 75% of the guests. I tried to remind myself that it was quality over quantity but that doesn’t really fix it when you looking at a room full of people and the only two there just for you are C-Mac and his wife.

I am so grateful that he made the trip out. Otherwise, I would have kicked off the wedding weekend with no one on “Team Miss Scorpio.” Why you ask? My family was too busy walking The Strip and taking pictures with Midget Elvis. (I’m not making this up. There are pictures.) It left me so crushed that the purpose of the trip was about celebrating my marriage to The Thinker and they’re hanging out with Yoda and Midget Elvis on The Strip.

Through the years, I have learned not to ask much if anything from my family because they often disappoint and I grew tired of the disappointment. It’s just that this time I was holding out hope that they would recognize the occasion and rise to the challenge. Looks, like I’m still waiting…

And for the biggest kicker, my dad made the trip out to Las Vegas. In each phone call leading up to the big day, I’d ask “are you planning to attend?” And the response was always, “I might just surprise you.”

Now really? Is this the answer you give to a bride? Even more so is this the answer you give to the bride when you’re her father?

I didn’t think so. I was 99 percent convinced he wouldn’t be there given his track record and dismissed him as a guest. I didn’t order any flowers for him. I planned for my mom to give me away. I didn’t plan for a father-daughter dance. I planned as if he wouldn’t be there.

To this day, I’m really not sure how I feel about him attending. There was a piece of my heart that was happy he finally stepped up and did what a father should do. But this other side of me was angry that he thought he could just swoop in hours before the ceremony to be greeted with open arms. I was also pissed off at him for making me feel guilty or conflicted for having my mom walk me down the aisle and give me away.

Lastly, I struggled the most without having my grandpa there. I needed him to keep everyone else in line. I needed him to joke and lighten the mood when I was on the verge of tears. I needed him to walk me down the aisle. I needed to have that dance with him. And I needed him to just say “It’s going to be okay. I love you.”

I want to believe that when my grandma’s brooch pricked me during the ceremony, it was their way of reminding me they were there watching over me. If only they could have found a much easier way. I mean that prick drew blood.

Now that I’m back in Washington, DC and it’s all over, I go back to that feeling of anti-climatic. You spend all of that time and energy. It happens so quickly and then nothing. I know that sounds bad, but otherwise nothing has changed. The Thinker and I are still the same as we were before we got married, which is what I wanted.

The Big Day

2011-01-22T13:15:00.000Z

Today’s the big day! I’m walking down the aisle to marry my lover and best friend. It’s such a good thing The Thinker wasn’t done chasing me or else he may have never caught me. And I wouldn’t be as happy and excited as I am today.

I wish I could blame a fitful night of sleep on the bright lights of Las Vegas, but our room isn’t facing The Strip and even if it was the room has those blackout shades. I could blame it on The Thinker’s snoring, but really that’s not it either. You know that feeling you use to get as a little kid on Christmas Eve? Where you cannot wait to run downstairs and find out what is awaiting you under the tree?

I think I’m experiencing the grownup version of that. Now to let you go so I can get all pretty for my groom...

Vegas bound!

2011-01-19T03:20:00.004Z

In less than 12 hours, I’ll be boarding a plane at the Baltimore airport for Las Vegas. I have been so busy the past several months working on all of the details that I really didn’t have time to think about the gravity of what I’m about to do. Me, Miss Scorpio, is about to say “I do” making a lifetime commitment to one man. Perhaps that explains the knot in my tummy.

I have no hesitations about spending the rest of my life with The Thinker. I’m most worried about the weather - Kansas City is expecting eight inches of snow and we have family that needs to fly out from there. I’m worried my sister will forget her dress. I have anxiety that the salon will give me Texas hair since I won’t have my beloved hair fairy with me. I’m also a little sentimental that none of my girls are able to make the trip. I’ve already warned C-Mac that it all rest on him. And of course, he’s up for the job.

Well, I better head to bed because the driver will be here before I know it to whisk me off for BWI. Good night, my lovelies.

It's green!

2010-12-10T21:45:00.000Z

Look out! I’m a woman on a mission. It has been nonstop since the middle of November and I’m not sure there is an end in sight. As of now, I’m planning to be in a state of constant motion until after the wedding. I guess you’ve been warned it’s not easing up until the first of February. I threw in a little buffer just for good measure.

With that in mind, I decided to get this morning was the perfect time to get back on track with the healthier (notice not healthy, just better than what we’re doing now) and the exercise regimen. The exercising just didn’t happen this morning, but the trainer and I have an appointment for QT tomorrow. I decided to give the healthy breakfast thing a try.

I haven’t met a smoothie I haven’t loved…until this morning. My coworker, Miss Wisconsin, has been touting the virtues of the Green Monster for quite sometime now. With the craziness, last night was the first opportunity I had to purchase the ingredients.

It’s essentially a cup of almond milk (I went with vanilla), a banana and a good handful of spinach all blended up. I threw in a tablespoon of ground flax seed and some ice cubes for good measure.

As you can see, it’s not attractive. If you can get over the look, it’s not bad. Not great, but not the chuck it down type of beverage. For those of you who love almonds, then this is the smoothie for you. I found something missing, however. (Won't lie to you, I tossed half of it.) I’m going to give it another go but will wait for the bananas to ripen a tad bit before doing so. After filling in Miss Wisconsin on my first experience, she’s found the bananas are key.

Fully embracing the healthy start is even more critical, given the two of us have been eating terrible fried food for lunch most of this week. Today included a deep fried Milky Way bar from Eamonn’s in Old Town. Stay tuned for a review…

Are we missing something?

2010-12-09T17:05:00.000Z

The cat was stretched out on my lap with The Thinker and I cuddled up on the couch under the big blue blanket. Focus was now dedicated to multitasking…you know watching TV, while browsing the Internet, updating our Twitter statuses and sharing random tidbits of the day.

Within the past couple of months, I have become obsessed with interior design and DIY projects for the house. And it all started when I stumbled upon the website, Apartment Therapy.

I’m not sure if it was because I have an overwhelming amount of free time at the office and I look for ways to occupy my time and feel as if I’m accomplishing something. Or maybe it’s because I’ve always had this desire to create something. If you follow me on Twitter, you know I spend a chunk of time each day combing the Craigslist listings for reasonably priced furniture that I can take from junk to treasure. This idea is always squashed when The Thinker asks “and where do you plan to do this – in the bedroom?”

Last night as we were curled up, I came across a post covering holiday traditions. I looked at The Thinker and asked “do we have any traditions? Should we start some?” His response, “I don’t see a tree.” This left the next few minutes with me reminding him that our apartment wouldn’t allow for a tree and this is why we should consider moving and that wedding stuff had consumed the one viable option. I’m sure he regretted his little moment of sarcasm.

Once I finished with my little rant, we moved on to reminisce about the traditions our families had as little kids. We both were allowed to open one present on Christmas Eve. I remember my sister and I staking out that present for days, maybe even weeks. My mom would make Pillsbury cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning because she would never make them during the rest of the year leaving the smell of cinnamon and warmth filling the house.

As The Thinker and I prepare for our impending nuptials, I grew concerned that we didn’t have any of our own traditions established yet. I mean we have one for Thanksgiving, but Christmas is kind of lacking.

Last year we sent out holiday cards and I made homemade candy and other baked goods for our loved ones. I’m hoping with time those traditions will start to emerge. Until then, I have holiday cards to make (yes, I spent a little too much money at the PaperSource on a cute stamp, blank cards, etc. and now have cards to create) and caramels, fudge and cream cheese sugar cookies to get started on.

Let's try again

2010-12-06T18:54:00.003Z

The past couple of weeks have been a little on the hectic side. There was Thanksgiving that I spent cooking all day for dinner to last about 30 minutes total.

We flew up to Connecticut on Friday and Saturday for an unexpected family trip. I spent Sunday tackling the laundry before boarding another plane to Las Vegas on a work trip. Trust me it wasn’t fun.

I’m now back and things haven’t slowed down all that much. As many of you know, I’m not exactly enamored with my job. Rather than listen to me bitch about it any longer, I’m excited to announce I have submitted notice today (well, tomorrow actually because my boss is not back from the Vegas trip quite yet). I have accepted a position that places me on a career path I’ve had my eye on for the last five years.

Now it’s time to get back to work so I can wrap things up. I don’t want to leave my successor with quite the mess I walked into.

Starting a tradition

2010-11-22T17:43:00.002Z

It’s that time of year where I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving. Aside from the 4^th of July, it’s my favorite holiday. Now what is not to love with a holiday all about the food?

The Thinker and I have decided to start our own tradition of staying home and hosting a Thanksgiving dinner. Our family is welcome to make the trip to our place and all the orphans are welcomed to join as well. For the last month, I have been deliberating as to what the menu should entail. On more than one occasion, The Thinker has had to remind me that there will only be three people eating this meal and not the twenty I had a designed menu for.

It’s just that once I start cooking I really don’t want to stop. However, I am listening to him because he’s been right more often than not as of recently. So the 2010 menu will include:

A vegetable crudités with a creamy chive dip
Sage roasted turkey (It worked so well last year why change?)
Sage dressing
Mashed sweet potatoes topped with cinnamon apples
Spinach gratin
Cranberry sauce
Buttermilk biscuits
Pumpkin pudding with whipped cream and gingersnaps

If only I could get started now!

Role of marriage

2010-11-19T19:00:00.003Z

“So, as we circle back around to witness another royal engagement, where are we on the marriage question? Less wedded to it. The Pew survey reveals that nearly 40% of us think marriage is obsolete. This doesn't mean, though, that we're pessimistic about the future of the American family; we have more faith in the family than we do in the nation's education system or its economy. We're just more flexible about how family gets defined.” - Who Needs Marriage? How an American Institution Is Changing, Time Magazine [Complete article available here.]

After watching a nightly news bit on this story and the survey findings, The Thinker and I started to talk more about marriage and what it exactly is to us. Yes, we talked about this before he popped the question. It’s just that this prompted a little more discussion.

Neither of us really need to get married, if that makes any sense. The moment we decided to take the leap and merge households it was decided that it was going to be just the two of us from that point forward…the final commitment had been done. We just didn’t have the big party and get the government involved. To us marriage is nothing more than the legal act of binding two people.

As I’ve told you before, I am not exactly the typical girl in that I’ve always imagined my perfect wedding. Honestly, I would have pushed harder for the quick “make it legal” service with the justice of the peace, had it not been for my mom. (The things we do for our parents.) I also would have been just as content to have never tied the knot and remained living in sin.

Walking down the aisle January 22 doesn’t make me love The Thinker any more or any less. Like I said, the day we moved in together was the day I decided it was until death do us part. After the 22^nd, we’ll just have the paper to make everything “official” in the eyes of the law.

And as a side, I still worry about the divorce rates and if The Thinker and I will prevail. Every day I remind myself to push aside the doubt and work towards making it a long, loving marriage. Who knew finding the man that’s your best friend and lover would change a long held conviction?

Lunch update

2010-11-17T18:50:00.000Z

I survived the first holiday potluck with my coworkers and have to admit I was pleasantly surprised. I guess I was setting low expectations so they were certain to be exceeded. Although, I still contend that deviled eggs are only appropriate for picnics and barbeques.

What is it?

2010-11-17T15:28:00.002Z

Am I the only one that despises office potlucks, holiday parties and otherwise planned activities with the coworkers? I’m not a fan of my job. It’s safe to say that my coworkers contribute to the lack of enthusiasm about it. Therefore, why do I want to spend my free time with them?

We spend the largest portion of our time at the office. And with that in mind, I don’t like to sacrifice my free time for potlucks over lunch – no, you’re not the next Food Network Star – or on the weekend at the holiday party. I treasure my personal time.

Today is the office Thanksgiving potluck and I see myself being miserable. People break off into their little cliques and it’s like junior high all over again. Can you sense junior high wasn’t a high point? Even more the office is too cheap to provide beverages or dinnerware for that matter. I had to bring a plate and silverware from home. The claim is being green, which I’m not buying, given I just made 5,000 copies of a flyer no one will even read for an upcoming event.

To add insult to injury, I was looking over the list of dishes people are bringing in. I think I better run out for Pepto-Bismo in addition to a beverage. Such a shame the beverage cannot be a six pack.

Just another year?

2010-11-09T20:36:00.001Z

Remember how turning the big 3-0 scared the living daylights out of me? Now a couple of years into my third decade of life, it’s proven to be the best years yet. Nothing like experience to help ease the mind and teach valuable lessons, something one doesn’t really possesses in their twenties. Wait, it’s probably more like you don’t listen or acknowledge any of it in your twenties.

Some major life changes have hit me this past year – The Thinker and I are getting married in 74 days. My beloved Grandpa passed away. I switched up the professional life a bit with a new job in a new field of focus.

Yet, the questions I was pondering on the eve of my thirtieth birthday still resonate. What is it that I want out of life? Do I want a major career change leaving the marketing field behind? Do I, I mean we, need a change of scenery leaving the District behind?

Birthdays always leave me a tad melodramatic. With the passing of my grandpa, I’ve come to appreciate my precious time more and want to be sure I have great stories to share as I grow older just like him. Now the challenge is figuring out how to best shape those stories. I suspect this won’t be the last time you hear me mention the questions above. I have a feeling they are going to grow more pressing to answer following our wedding in January.

Families...if only you could pick 'em

2010-11-01T15:49:00.000Z

Now why is it that funerals and weddings bring out the crazy in families?

Why yes. The crazy is out in full force within my family. Between my grandpa’s recent passing and my impending nuptials, there are silent treatments, drunken outbursts, temper tantrums, crying fits, etc. being waged against one another.

Unfortunately, I am in no position to act like Switzerland and keep to myself. Please let this storm pass soon because my tolerance for the bull shit is not very high. Not that is ever was…

Leave behind footprints you can be proud of

2010-10-26T12:56:00.008+01:00

Tuesday, October 26, 2010 will enter the books as one of my most painful days. And no, not just because I have to get two root canals at 2:30 pm.

When the phone rang a little before 3:00 am, my heart ached and I knew. My beloved grandpa had passed away. Hearing the words between sobs caused my heart to shatter. I was surprised by my ability to hold it together for my mom. She continued to repeat over and over, that it was her fault for leaving him. That his biggest fear was dying alone and she allowed that. I wanted to reach through the phone and give her a hug, but all I could do was explain he knew we loved him and wanted nothing but the best for him.

After hanging up the phone or really just pushing end call, the body shaking sobs started. With The Thinker's arms wrapped tightly around me the emptiness consumed me. I was now awake with no possible way of welcoming sleep again. The kitty curled up next to me as her way of reassuring me and The Thinker drifted back to sleep.

At 3:00 am, all I had were the memories of my grandpa to comfort me. The one I will treasure the most is knowing he wanted me to take the risk and move to DC more than anyone else in my family. He was always my biggest supporter. Grandpa was such the supporter that he is the one that made the drive out here from Kansas along with my cousin. Well, he was our copilot or as my cousin put it, "He was one of those obnoxious backseat drivers." Not my mom, not my brother or sister and of course, not my dad. It was fitting that it was Grandpa.

The two and half day drive allowed quality time to hear stories of his childhood, to learn that he went on only one date with my grandma before heading off to WWII and that he proposed in his letter home to her before he was able to return. He didn't have any money to buy her a real ring, so he made do with one of out the penny machine until her could buy her a real one. (My mom still has that penny ring.)

He shared of how he dropped out of school in the 9th grade because it wasn't his cup of tea and his family was upset because he didn't then help on the farm in Missouri. Instead he hitchhiked his way across America; he wanted to see the ocean before he did anything else with life. He never shared of the war only how much he hated being in France, but the food was amazing in Brussels. He shared of how he would sneak away "to live" whenever he had the chance.

That's what my grandpa was about...living. He wanted to soak up every opportunity life afforded and that's what he wanted for his children and grandchildren. He wanted us to take advantage of every opportunity to live life to the fullest. He'd only remind us "to leave behind footprints you can be proud of."

Well, Grandpa, I hope you're proud of your footprints because you left quite the impression and I'm so proud of you. I will always hold a special place in my heart just for you.

Shoes or chocolate?

2010-10-25T17:53:00.003+01:00

This morning I woke up feeling like there was a heavy weight resting on my chest making it impossible to breathe. At first, I thought it was just the cat. After fully accepting that I was awake and the cat was nowhere to be found, I realized I was having a panic attack. It’s been years since one has decided to strike, but it makes sense that one would hit today.

I got the call last night that my grandpa has been admitted to the hospital for pneumonia. He’s on oxygen and a morphine drip. Mom has reported that his eyes are so sad and she’s really worried. This is the first time my mom has admitted how much this is weighing on her as his primary caregiver/decision maker.

I always thought it was cruel and heartless when people would say “it’s best that they passed away.” After experiencing this with my grandpa, I can see how you just want their pain and suffering to stop. This is not Grandpa’s idea of living by any means. The only thing we can do is make him as comfortable as possible and run interference to keep the crazy uncle at bay. (You know every family has one.)

All of this is weighing on me. It has now been compounded with me letting the little things get to me. Or at least, I don’t know how else to explain it.

I had been putting off a dentist visit against better judgment for almost a year. The sharp shooting pain last Thursday wouldn’t let that happen any longer. Thankfully, I have new insurance to offset some of the costs. Regardless, I’m looking at two root canals, an invasive cleaning treatment that requires them to numb my gums so they can clean under the gum lines and having a little more than $1,000 leaving my checking account.

One, I hate visiting the dentist and yet I feel like I’m always there. Even more so, I was just started to dig myself out of the credit card debt, most of which was brought on by dental treatments. The icing on top of the cake is a job I’m not exactly passionate about. I had an interview almost a month ago for a dream job and have not yet received an offer or a rejection letter. I continue to hold out hope.

Right now, my focus is on resisting the desire to shop right to make things feel better. Perhaps, you could describe me as a bit of a shopaholic. I shop to feel better. I then have buyer’s remorse, so I shop more to ease that pain. Only to get the credit card statement, which leaves me feeling crummy again. So you guessed it, I shop.

Since The Thinker, I’ve found a comfort and sense of peace that wasn’t there before. He has also managed to fill that void inside that shopping once filled. However, right now when things just suck for a lack of a better way to describe it, I still want to shop because I don’t want to tax him with my stress. And let me tell you, having a job that doesn’t exactly keep you busy for eight hours a day, but provides you with internet access is a true test of willpower.

Instead of shopping for now, I’ve turned to food. Don’t worry that will be short lived as I’m having the two root canals tomorrow. I better make the most of it while I can.

Every now and then one just needs to cry

2010-10-20T02:17:00.004+01:00

I've attempted to write this on several occasions, but had to stop...because, well, it's not cool to sit in your office with tears streaming down your cheeks over the lunch hour. Even more so, I don't like to cry in public nor do I want to be in a position where I have to explain myself should it happen.

As you know, I made the trip home over Labor Day to check in on my Grandpa. After getting him settled into a place providing full medical care, my sister and I made a point to check back on him that evening. There was no way we were just going to move him and not be there when he needed us. The image of him curled up in the fetal position on his bed and hearing the cries of pain will forever be implanted in my memory.

The strong man who picked me up when I crashed my bike in the drive way. The man that held me close after my first broken heart was not the man I witnessed curled up that night. All I could do was make every effort to ease his pain and ensure he was comfortable. Thankfully, my sister is not only a personal trainer that is crazy strong, but also a certified nurses aid. That night we ensured he was comfortable and stayed with him until he dozed back to sleep.

We spent the rest of our time visiting and caring for him while home. He wanted my sister on his right holding his hand and me on his left. As he put it, I would be his voice to fight for him and my sister would be his strength to care for him. And that's what we did while there that weekend. When Saturday night came and we said good-bye before heading home, my heart broke all over. He held tight and you could see the tears well up in the corner of his eyes when we explained we had to head home. His eyes pleaded for us not to leave. He just asked who's my voice now?

Those words just hung in the air for days with me. They still haunt my dreams. I called my Mom to check up on Grandpa to learn he calls for my sister and me. Mom said they had to update his files to explain why he keeps calling for us. Now if that doesn't break my heart even more.

I wish I could report of some miracle, but sadly that's not the case. I'm learning to cope and that every now and then one just needs to cry. Please excuse me while I do just that...

It's all in the details...or is it?

2010-10-19T17:28:00.001+01:00

I have tried to spare you of the wedding talk and details, but it’s becoming all consuming as of lately. We are under the 100 day mark until our ceremony and reception in awesome Las Vegas. And I’m obsessed with the details.

Do I need custom cocktail napkins imprinted with our theme, “Lucky in Love,” names and the date? Should there be signage directing people from the chapel to the reception location? Should there be even more signage asking people to sign the photo mat or to grab a cocktail for the toast? What items should be placed in the welcome bag? Wait, do we even need welcome bags? How many favors should I order? Why haven’t people started RSVPing? Will people RSVP by the deadline? Should I send email reminders? Or should I just call?

You can see how this is driving The Thinker insane. Through this process, I have learned he doesn’t care about the details. In looking for someone to listen, I called C-Mac. Guess what? He didn’t care either. As he put it, “men remember the bar and the meat.” Well, that was helpful.

Today as I was combing over the myriad of wedding blogs and websites, I started to question myself. Am I just obsessed with the details because I’m anal? Am I obsessed because they genuinely matter to me? Or am I obsessed because I’m worried what others will think?

Honestly, it’s a little bit of everything. Now to decide what is worth fixating on and what I can simply cross off the list because no one will even notice. I think I’ll start with the cocktail napkins and custom water bottle labels.

Oh, my back!

2010-10-18T17:49:00.003+01:00

The Thinker spent another night on the couch and I woke up cold with just the cat cuddled up next to me. No, The Thinker is not in trouble. I’d much prefer him in the bed next to me, holding my hand as I dose off to sleep and there to snuggle up with on these cool fall mornings.

We’re not sure how it happened, but the mattress is shot. (Yes, we have theories. I'm sure you do too.) It’s not a little dip that’s uncomfortable; we’re talking a sink hole you may not be able to crawl out of in the morning. It started on The Thinker’s side and has managed to take over the entire bed. And like any other man in America, he didn’t save the warranty information.

Thankfully, he is going to purchase a new one today. The Thinker put it best this morning when he said, “I don’t want to be your roommate.” With him sleeping on the couch, which isn’t that much better, and me strategically lined up in the middle of the bed between the sink holes, it feels like we’re out of sync.

Who knew something as simple as sleeping next to one another could change things? At least, this is not permanent and The Thinker will again be complaining of me taking all the blankets and allowing the cat more space on the bed than what he has.

Is the grass always greener...

2010-10-12T22:07:00.002+01:00

Is the grass always greener on the other side? I often find myself asking that as I sit in a job I dislike even more than the previous one. The last one I disliked some of my coworkers to the point that it was making me go insane. If not for them, I'd still be there. I loved what I did and I was damn good at it. But then after five years, it had become time to seek new challenges and in this case new co-workers.

Now I find myself in a job lacking all professionalism or at least that’s the best way I can describe it. In the short time, I’ve been here two employees from my department alone have left. The icing on top of the cake…my two predecessors were fired. Or as management liked to put it “let go.”

As I dig deeper into the mess, I learn they were “let go” because they started questioning the status quo and ultimately making some department heads look bad. Ugh, that doesn’t bode well for me. I’m not one to keep my mouth shut.

The list of atrocities against a professional workplace goes on and on…people arrive in jeans, t-shirts and flip-flops. One cannot find a specific list of responsibilities that you should be executing, other than the job description. I could go on, but I’ll practice a little restraint.

Remember the Career Builder commercial with the monkeys? Yeah, I feel like that guy.

Now to start the search for something else, I know what I want to do. It’s just a matter of getting my foot in the door to prove I can do it.

101 in 1,000 Days

2010-09-24T20:31:00.003+01:00

After reading about Day Zero Project on several other blogs and Tweets, I realized I too had never successfully managed to keep all of my New Year resolutions. It’s not that my intentions were not good. More often than not it was an instance of time getting away from me. However, as I grow older, I realize well... I’m not getting any younger and there are so many things I want to achieve. I guess you could say I want to cross numerous things off my “bucket list.” Not to mention my stress of not knowing how to fill my time and eliminate the monotony from earlier this week, why not create a list?

So here goes with my list…

Because I love to read
1. Join a book club
2. Read ten classic books
3. Read 10 books from the current NY Times # 1 best sellers list
4. Read each magazine (for which I have a subscription) for two months
5. Get a DC library card

Just for me
6. Start my own business
7. Watch ten classic movies
8. Post at least 4 times a week here
9. Get a professional photo taken for LinkedIn, Twitter, etc.
10. Make time in each day for "me"
11. Go horseback riding in Rock Creek
12. Organize my favorite recipes by creating a “cookbook”
13. Bring at least 2 plants into the house
14. Keep the plants alive
15. Complete a New York Times crossword
16. Go apple picking
17. Make a list of 25 accomplishments for which I am proud
18. Make a list of 25 things I am grateful for
19. Keep a personal written journal for a year - that’s not a blog

Let my creative side show
20. Take a jewelry making class
21. Learn to knit a scarf
22. Take a picture a day for a month
23. Paint something to hang in our apartment
24. Create my own Christmas card
25. Create a wedding photo album

Let’s get physical
26. Go rock climbing
27. Run a 5k
28. Get back into shape so that I fit into all the pants hanging in my closet
29. Work out at least 4 days a week for three months
30. Do 25 “real” push-ups at one time

Get my money in order
31. Pay off all credit card debt
32. Save at least $2,500
33. Take a one month financial fast - no purchases that are not essential
34. Visit with a financial planner

Because relationships matter
35. Get in touch with an old friend
36. Marry The Thinker
37. Take a trip home solely to visit my friends
38. Take a trip to Houston to visit my best friend
39. Meet 5 people in person from Twitter & the Blogosphere
40. Have a girl weekend with my sister
41. Organize a monthly girls’ night for six months
42. Host a holiday party - not necessarily Christmas
43. Send my mom a letter/card once a month for six months
44. Host friends for a game night
45. Host friends for a movie night
46. Collect and organize everyone addresses
47. Mail the Christmas card to friends and family

I want to see the world
48. Travel to one new country
49. Visit three new museums in DC
50. Visit three new museums outside of DC
51. Visit 5 new cities in the US
52. Take a canoe with The Thinker to Teddy Roosevelt Island
53. Visit Great Falls Park in VA
54. Go to the top of the Washington monument
55. Take a U.S. Capitol Tour
56. Take The Thinker to a performance of his choice at the Kennedy Center
57. Take the train somewhere
58. Go stargazing
59. Have a picnic
60. Watch the sunrise
61. Ride bikes to Mount Vernon with The Thinker
62. Visit Monticello with The Thinker

I love to explore with my taste buds
63. Visit three wineries in Virginia
64. Try twenty new restaurants
65. Learn to make pasta from scratch
66. Bake bread from scratch
67. Cook 4 new recipes a month for 3 months
68. Start an herb garden
69. Bake a pie with the apples picked during the apple picking
70. Make homemade pizza dough
71. Organize the spice cabinet & toss those that are expired
72. Replace the expired spices
73. Try 12 new vegetables
74. Try ethnic food that I haven’t had before

I want to be a better me
75. Give up Coca Cola for three months
76. Volunteer for a cause I believe in
77. Meditate three times a week for a month
78. Be a better girlfriend (ultimately wife) to The Thinker
79. Make yoga a part of my lifestyle
80. Take a dance class with The Thinker
81. Make a donation of $100 to two charities I believe in
82. Eat a healthy breakfast everyday for one month before leaving for work
83. Do not eat lunch at my desk for a week
84. Start my day with a glass of water before anything else for one month
85. Watch a movie of The Thinker’s choice without complaining
86. Get a full physical, including cholesterol check
87. Be a vegetarian for one week
88. Donate blood
89. Donate my hair to Locks of Love

Be kind to Mother Earth
90. Start an herb garden
91. Make the switch to natural cleaning products
92. Give up plastic bags
93. Establish a recycling bin at home & help The Thinker use it

For no particular reason than I want too
94. Decorate for the Christmas holiday
95. Conduct a purge of old/expired beauty products
96. Purge the closet of clothes & shoes that I haven’t worn in at least a year
97. Unplug for one weekend
98. Go to a professional basketball game
99. Go to a professional hockey game
100. See a live comedy show
101. Say “yes” for one day

How do you fill your time?

2010-09-21T21:40:00.002+01:00

I know it’s been a while since I’ve stopped by. It’s not like I don’t have the time. My job is most people’s dream – work less for more pay. Not my cup of tea, but I won’t go into the details. I’ve wanted to share about my grandpa, but I get all choked up and teary eyed. And honestly, I think I may be running out of tears. I’d write about the wedding, but I doubt you want to hear of that. Even more, I really don’t have anything to say.

My life has become rather monotonous. I get up, may or may not work out, before making the commute to a job I really don’t like for eight hours. I then head home, cook dinner, eat dinner with The Thinker, followed by a couple hours of TV, maybe a little reading and lights out. Trust me when I say the weekends aren’t any more stimulating. As of now, my biggest highlight is an hour of pain with my trainer on Saturday mornings at 8:00 am.

The Thinker and I have talked about bringing something new into our lives, but what? Here’s where you come in. I’m looking for suggestions. Should we take dance classes? Attend poetry readings? If you have the 4-1-1 on something worth investigating, let me know. I need to break out of this funk and find something outside of work that is rewarding because work sure isn’t.

What's up with L'Enfant Plaza?

2010-08-30T17:04:00.001+01:00

After The Thinker and I merged households, I found myself riding the green line as that was the closet stop. I’ve never felt unsafe or threatened. In fact, I’ve found the green line to be the most courteous line to take within the DC metro system. People offer their seats to the elderly or a pregnant woman. When people are carrying more than one should, but have no other alternatives, someone is there to lend a helping hand.

With the new gig, I am now commuting to Old Town. The ride starts on the green line with a transfer at L'Enfant Plaza. The transfer always leaves this uneasy feeling inside of me. I cannot quite place my finger on it and this was prior to the brawl that broke out there earlier this month.

Despite my sprint up the escalator and the mad dash to the opposite side for the yellow line train, I approached the doors just as they closed. I moved to the back and leaned against the wall to read The Express and wait for the next train. As I switched pages, I looked up to see a young punk punch an older man square in the jaw. The kid then ran up the escalator leaving the man stunned and repeatedly saying “I told you I was sorry.” There was a woman with the kid that then started to berate the man about the apology being too little, too late.

Granted this incident didn’t escalate to a full out fight. But seriously, what is wrong with our society when we cannot accept one’s apology and move on. L'Enfant Plaza is one of the busier stations with people trying to make transfers. And for what it is worth, I don’t think it was one of the most well thought out designs. Given the recent event, I wonder why metro police haven’t stepped up their watch or doing more. This could have been much worse especially if the kid had a gun or a knife.

Looks like I need to order some pepper spray at the very least.

Meet our little fur ball

2010-08-26T17:32:00.000+01:00

The week has been rather rough, given all the things with my grandpa while trying to plan a wedding. My sister is being a royal pain in the ass, but we’ll save that for another day. If not for The Thinker and this lovable fur ball, the nights would be equally as tough.

My sweet little kitty made the drive with me from Kansas to Washington, DC. Actually, we drove just for her. She has sensitive ears so a flight could have potentially done damage resulting in a hearing loss. Since I’m a sucker, we took a little road trip. She was a trooper…didn’t throw a fit, make a mess, etc. She basically laid in my lap for the entire drive with an occasional moment of head-butting because I wasn’t showing her enough affection.

She has now won over The Thinker. He’ll climb out of bed at the God-awful hour of 4:30 am to feed the little princess. He takes the brush over her during the evenings while watching TV. They cuddle on the couch during football games and take lazy afternoon catnaps during the weekend or any day off for that matter.

Last night was particularly entertaining. I’m sitting on the couch next to The Thinker competing in an intense game of TouchMaster on my Nintendo DS, when I look over to find he is searching for “funny cat videos” on YouTube. What’s even more funny is looking down to see our kitty is not at all amused.

I mean she is the center of the universe or at least in her mind.

So, whadda think?

2010-08-25T17:39:00.000+01:00

I’d like to thank each of you for the kind comments and emails I have received. My Grandpa is more a daddy, so it’s been rough the past couple of days.

Normally, I’d throw myself into my job just to keep my mind occupied. As you know, I recently accepted a new position. Most would not complain to have landed a position that pays more and requires less work. However, this little scenario really isn’t suiting me, especially now.

To combat the vast hours of available time during the hours of 8:30 am and 5:00 pm, I’m making it my personal mission to explore the depths of the Internet. Please share what sites, including blogs that you read regularly. Perhaps, I’ll learn something.

The Thinker has also caused me to seriously consider one his suggestions – writing my memoirs. As he explained it:

“Some lady started a cooking blog about Julia Child. Another lady wrote a book called eat , pray love. Women buy millions of paperback copies of romance novels every year. You have a remarkable story, that is already partially written (thru your blog.)”

Trust me when I say I go back and forth on this idea. Some days I think what the hell. I’ve read numerous memoirs and finish the book with “I have as good if not a better story.” Other times, I’m think I have only lived a little over 30 years and have yet to do something remarkable justifying the publication of a book.

I’m coming to you for advice as I’ve done on numerous occasions. Is this something seriously worth pursuing or just a whimsical notion?

It breaks my heart

2010-08-24T17:44:00.004+01:00

I knew this day would come, but I never wanted to consider it possible. He had been there whenever I needed his arms wrapped around me when the rest of the world was cruel. He was the one to give me a smack upside the head when I was being irrational and nothing else would bring me to terms with the situation. He taught me how to ride a bike, bait a hook and question when something deserved to be questioned. This man is my grandpa.

Grandpa was the man I ran to as a little girl. I’d curl up beside him in his oversized Lazy-Boy to watch the Packers or Royals. He’s the one I’d more often than not get into mischief with like the time we were playing catch with my new Nerf football and broke the light bulb on the ceiling fan in the living room when he told me to go long. He’s the man dropped me off and picked me up from school until I was old enough to drive myself. Grandpa is the one that I turned to when I needed advice in high school.

After I went off to college, coming home meant staying with Grandpa eating pie that he’d bake especially for me when I came home. When it came time to really leave home and move out to Washington, DC, who was the man to drive me out? You guessed it – Grandpa.

Since moving here, I write him once a month and tried calling weekly. Then I noticed he’d forget he was talking to me and just hang up the phone without warning. I’d travel home and it was like he’d aged years in the months between. I got the call last Friday that I couldn’t bear to hear. Grandpa was not doing well and I needed to book a flight home.

I then initiated a conference call – yes, I organized family conference calls – with my sister in Atlanta and my cousin in Casper, Wyoming. The best we can do is a trip home Labor Day weekend. We’re in the process of coordinating so our flights arrive and depart at the same time.

My mom calls with daily reports. As of now, Grandpa is not getting worse, but he’s not getting better. She describes him as frail and distant. Not at all the Grandpa I know. Not to say I don’t love this man, but, well, you can understand.

The thought brings tears to my eyes especially now as I type this sitting in my office instead of eating my leftover pizza for lunch. I had only hoped my little girl notion of being invincible was a fact.

I have a dress

2010-08-23T16:52:00.003+01:00

The selection of a wedding dress has caused me more stress and anxiety than it should. I was never a little girl that dreamed of her princess fairy tale wedding. I didn’t have this dress in mind. Hell, I never thought a man would ever want to marry a girl as opinionated and stubborn as me. Now look at me.

I’ve done battle with one dress on two occasions that I thought was the dress. Although, the more I looked at it and the more I tried it on, the more it just didn’t feel like the one. It’s a pretty, simple dress. Although, I want to stand out just a tad. I’ve always had to compete with my sister for attention and I want to be certain there is no doubt as to who your eyes should be on.

Rather than head to a bridal boutique, pay outrageous prices and have crazy women flocking all about, I ordered three dresses online and had my own mini party at home with Miss Pennsylvania. I was able to try them on in my own home with the hose and the shoes. We took pictures to share with my mom and Lil’ Mama. (Don’t worry – I really will send them.)

There were two dresses that were viable contenders and I wasn’t really certain as to which one it would be. Then during yoga on Saturday afternoon as I was in child’s pose with a clear mind, the dress just entered my thoughts. It was the one I had been leaning toward, but at that moment all doubts were gone. I tried it on one more time when I got home. Yep, that’s the dress.

For the first time, I tried on a dress that leaves me feeling all things a bride should feel…pretty, stunning, sexy, gorgeous... Well, you get the idea. The best part, I just need to maintain my current size. I think I can handle that.

Who knew?

2010-08-10T18:34:00.006+01:00

Have I mentioned The Thinker and I don’t have cable? I eliminated cable back when I was trying to write my thesis as a way to reduce distractions. When The Thinker and I merged households, the no cable just kind of stuck. This is helpful as The Thinker starts writing his thesis. It helps us spend more quality time together. And let’s be honest we save a couple of bucks.

To say we don’t watch TV is a lie. We are addicted to Cook’s Country and America’s Test Kitchen on PBS. Instead of Law & Order reruns on TBS, we turn to cooking shows with Chris Kimball (photo to the left, for those not in the know). The food prepared in these shows makes my taste buds drool. If not for the pounds of butter they use, I’d be all over their recipes.

That is until Sunday afternoon - The Thinker was determined we were going bake their triple chocolate cookies. Screw the diet! We were going to enjoy some much deserved chocolate. The last thing I wanted to do Sunday afternoon was bake chocolate cookies that required seven tablespoons of butter and three kinds of chocolate. So we struck a deal.

If I’d go to the store, pick up the necessary ingredients because we know it only took me a fraction of the time it would take The Thinker. He would handle the rest with my supervision. It was so cute watching him measure everything out into small little bowls like they do on TV. I only had to explain what some things were and where they were located. He handled the rest. Those cookies were so good. I brought half of them into the office yesterday to keep from eating all of them.

The Thinker is now walking around with his chest puffed a bit. He has cooking skills I need to respect. Wonder if he can handle Thanksgiving dinner this year with my supervision, of course...

I can only hope...

2010-08-05T17:26:00.003+01:00

Last night, I had about two hours to kill before an 8:30 pm meeting. Rather than stroll the streets of Old Town and potentially do serious damage on my credit card, I grabbed an ice tea and watched the people stroll by.

I watched families trek back to their hotel after a day spent touring the sites in downtown DC. I observed groups of friends discuss the best place for dinner that night. I saw girlfriends pissed that their boyfriends refused to ask for directions. I witnessed a little boy have his first frozen slush as his parents stood by giggling at the excitement when he realized his tongue was turning blue.

As I packed up the papers I had been reading in preparation, I was granted the best glimpse into someone else’s life. An elderly couple was returning from their day of sightseeing. It was obvious that this trip was taking its toll on them physically.

The wife was nagging at her husband about getting lost and she had wasted all those steps in trying to find their way back. He paused to lean even more on his cane and told her she was welcome to climb onto his back because he could get her down to at least the end of the block. She stopped, gave him a playful slap on the arm and then proceeded to take his hand in hers to make it the rest of the way together.

I can only hope that will be The Thinker and me down the road.

What's in a name?

2010-08-04T17:33:00.003+01:00

As of late, I’m flip-flopping like John Kerry in the 2004 presidential campaign. Do I become Mrs. Thinker or stay Miss Scorpio?

We were walking home hand in hand immediately following the proposal. The Thinker shared his desire for Las Vegas as our wedding location and we quickly agreed on the date. He then turned the conversation to that of name. When it came down to it, he’s basically indifferent. I can take it or leave it.

I have been Miss Scorpio for over 30 years, and during that time I have established a solid professional reputation as such. Have I published major research documents laying out the cures for disease or findings in a recent study? Do I have children that have my name? Is there a strong relationship with my father and his family to want to remain with their name?

The answer to all of those is “no.” Yet, I just cannot seem to wrap my mind around becoming Mrs. Thinker. I understand that with an “I do” on January 22 we become an official couple in the eyes of the law. However, that just doesn’t seem enough for me to forgo my identity.

I know a simple change in name does not change the core of who I am or strip me of my identity. But the name has been the one stable thing in life. I could always look in the mirror and know I’m Miss Scorpio and damn proud of it. (We won’t go into some moments that were a little more difficult after time spent with Jim, Maker's Mark or Jack.)

To some men this is a real sticking point (including this guy, not that I agree with his reasoning, which we’ll save for another day). I know women with equally strong views. But none of their justifications resonate with me to want to change.

The Thinker as well as I has argued that your past shapes you. As of right now, I will remain Miss Scorpio. I always have the option of changing it down the road. Although, I would like to hear your thoughts. Please share.

New Writing Opp

2010-08-04T13:58:00.003+01:00

I recently received an email from the peeps over at dcguide.com seeking my interest in writing for them. Admittedly, I'm flattered. The thought of someone actually wanting to read what I write and ultimately providing me carte blanch for the area in which I could babble about?

So, friends, what would you suggest? Do I cover something I'm passionate about like food, theater or the very DC events like Screen on the Green. Help! My mind is drawing a blank.

Make that Dress My Bitch

2010-08-03T17:15:00.001+01:00

It’s war! Strong words – I know. But drastic times for call drastic measures. Need I remind you of not one battle with the dress that I loss, but two?

Over the past couple of weeks, I have bucked up and put the drama behind me. I have had no choice but come to terms with the fact that getting cozy with The Thinker has caused me to put on a few pounds resulting in having to go up a size or two when it comes to pants, dresses, etc. C-Mac reminded me it’s time to stop complaining about it and time to do something about it.

So start operation: Make that Dress My Bitch. I am very much an all or nothing person. I cannot ease myself into anything. I dive in head first. No guts, no glory that’s what I say. So why approach a diet any differently?

For a while, I had been trying “meatless Mondays” to test the waters with The Thinker. But that time is over. I have a dress to fit into. We’re “flexitarians.” Being a "flexitarian" gives you the benefits of a vegetarian diet without having to forgo meat entirely. I’m exploring a new area of food and thus far I’ve become quite the fan and as of now no complaints from The Thinker.

I have also gotten serious about dragging my lazy bum out of bed every morning and down to spend time worshiping the cardio gods. I hope after a month or so they start to answer my prayers so I don’t feel this is all a waste and simply say “fuck it.” I had a friend tell me it’s better to be “fat and happy than skinny and sad.”

I really want to believe you can have it all; that’s why that dress will be my bitch by January 22.

Getting Settled In

2010-08-02T18:05:00.002+01:00

I’ve survived the first week on the new job and have returned for another one. There are adjustments that I find myself struggling with that in fact I thought would bring me relief. For example, my new boss doesn’t like meetings. To give you an idea, I had to harass him about meeting with me last week just so I could get a feel as to my marching orders. This meeting only lasted an hour and it didn’t occur until late Wednesday afternoon. My previous boss would have pounced at the opportunity for a meeting on my first day and then would have scheduled follow-up meetings for each day.

Up to this point, I have spent my entire professional career working with lawyers. After working with them for five years, I decided I believed in what they do – balance the scales of justice. I just couldn’t nor did I want to become one. Well for the first time, I’m not working with lawyers in any capacity. I’m like a fish out of water. I never thought I’d claim to miss them so soon, but I do.

Not that this is bad, I find myself leaving the office promptly at 5:00 pm. I enjoy cooking dinner again. (I’ll share photos & recipes later this week.) I have even started working out again. Granted I’m taking a cautious sneaking approach to the working out. I don’t want to startle my body just yet. I have even finished two books and am making great progress on two more.

So in some regards, the new job has been a really good thing. I just need a little more time to adjust.

The Battle with the Zipper...Part II

2010-07-23T23:19:00.003+01:00

It's almost 6:30 pm and well, I’m still searching for my motivation. I got a little ambitious when I decided to try on the larger dress. (We all remember how the first attempt went.) The dress had sat on the kitchen table taunting me for over a week and I finally gave into the pressure to only have what I’m thinking will be the first of many wedding meltdowns.

I never thought I wanted a wedding with the dress, the cake and all the other hoopla. If I met the man, I was perfectly content with the idea of heading to city hall to make it legal. But I was swayed by the family pressure. Now I have this vision in my mind and it all starts with the dress.

There was still a struggle to get the dress over my hips. I then proceeded to battle the zipper once again…if only my arms were longer to zip by myself. I looked at the reflection in the mirror and that’s when I lost it. The floodgates opened and the tears wouldn’t stop. I stood in the bathroom crying like a baby with the cat weaving in out and of my legs for a few minutes before calling my mom.

Calling my mom felt like the right thing to do at the time, but in the end left my more frustrated. Lil’ Mama tried to bring comfort via text. The Thinker read my tweet by this point and came home with hopes of solving my problems.

Instead I just continued to cry. The tears finally ceased almost 90 minutes later and I attempted a trip to Trader Joe’s for the week’s groceries. But as I headed out in the stifling heat, I grew more anxious and freaked out about everything. Rather than risk tears on the metro, I called C-Mac and made my way back home. C-Mac told me to send him a picture of me in the dress and he would determine if the situation required so much drama.

He quickly called back with, “Damn, girl! You’re being overly dramatic again. So you have hips now. Get over it. Just get your ass on the treadmill and put the Big Mac down.” He continued with if the dress doesn’t fit any better in a month after working out he’ll get on a plane and help me find the dress but only if I work out regularly.

After sharing the verdict with The Thinker, he reminded me that he said the same thing. But you know, sometimes you need someone removed from the situation to step in. Don’t worry I gave him some credit. Now to get serious about the damn treadmill…my archenemy.

Can you return it, should you find it?

2010-07-23T14:33:00.002+01:00

Had you asked me Monday what I was planning to do with my two days off this week before starting my new gig at the start of next week, I would have rattled off this long to-do list filled with all kinds of home projects. I wanted to paint the bedroom. There are pictures to be moved and the subsquent holes that need to be patched and painted over. I wanted to tweak the organization of the kitchen. And the list goes on.

Well, yesterday has come and went. The place is still a total disaster and I’m not even one step closer to tackling the to-do list. I was awake at 7:00 am when The Thinker got up and left work. Did I move? Nope, I curled up with my kitty and went in and out of sleep until about 9:00 am.

Now I’m sitting on the couch searching for motivation. It’s gone. I have so much to accomplish beyond the list like simply tiddying up the house, but no desire. Do you know where I can find it?

Catching up from the weekend

2010-07-22T23:18:00.001+01:00

So I have explained that I finally landed a new job? You know it is critical to your survival and to those around you when you can completely understand why Postal workers have gone “postal.” It was time to take my own advice of “stop bitching about it and doing something.”

Well yesterday was the final day with my previous employer and it couldn’t have arrived fast enough. The new job isn’t exactly my dream job, but it’s something new and different. I had reached the point that I was seriously considering Starbucks for the health insurance at the very least.

Now that I have a new gig lined up, I hope I’ll find more time to write, cook and well basically enjoy life. Speaking of enjoying life, I think The Thinker definitely enjoyed his birthday last Saturday.

As much as I didn’t want to listen to his request and throw a big birthday party, I fought the urge. We spent the day doing absolutely nothing, which is what he asked for. Instead of dragging him out to grocery shopping like we would normally do on a Saturday, I made a quick trip up to Eastern Market for the necessities. Rather than venture out for dinner and a movie, we stayed in with New York Pizza Company’s Hawaiian pizza and Netflix.

I was determined to make him a special birthday dinner. Since that didn’t happen Saturday night, his birthday celebration was continued until Sunday evening when I make him salmon inspired by watching one too many Julian Child cooking show reruns on PBS. I honestly didn’t know what to expect. Thankfully, he raved about it and requested this become a regular meal.

Not exactly the special birthday plans I had in mind, but he was content and thought it was perfect. Maybe I don’t need to stress so much since this doesn’t seem to be something he obsesses over. Now my worries have shifted to what I should get him for Christmas. I’m happily accepting suggestions so I can I have a head start.

Because one should start their day with giggles

2010-07-20T14:57:00.003+01:00

Yesterday was the last Monday I’ll have to endure with my current employer. And it feels even better knowing today is my last Tuesday and tomorrow is the final day period.

However, this is leaving me with a bear of a to-do list and not much time to write and share with you. I promise to give more details as to the weekend, etc., over my lunch hour. But this little tidbit is just too good not to share with you.

This morning around 5:00 am I awoke from one of the best dreams I’ve ever had. It left my girlie bits feeling like an eruption of pleasure had rushed over me. The only problem…I had no idea who brought me this pleasure in my dream. There was no face. Honestly, I don’t remember the dream even a little. I just awoke to intense ripples of goodness down below.

All of this left me feeling immense guilt. It was like I had cheated on My Thinker during sleep and had the piss poor excuse of I couldn’t remember to explain my actions. It lingered in the back of my mind throughout my shower. It continued to nag at me while I heard him stirring out in the kitchen. As I was applying deodorant and he was finishing up his strawberry-banana yogurt, I made my confession. The conversation went something like this…

Miss Scorpio: “Baby, I had this amazing sex dream last night.”

The Thinker: “Me too. Baby, you were great.”

Miss Scorpio: [Now feeling even more guilt welling up in her throat] “I have no idea who gave me that pleasure! [pause] Maybe, we had amazing sex in our dreams.”

The Thinker: [With his usual boyish grin] “You probably didn’t recognize me because my junk is so much bigger in dreams.”

And with that last line, the guilt left and was replaced by the giggles.

Hey, I was tired

2010-07-16T18:34:00.000+01:00

So how in tune I am with my surroundings – there was a 3.6 earthquake in Montgomery County or as I would say up there in Maryland – and I had no clue? Just last night after The Thinker slipped his hand into mine before dozing off I commented that he seldom holds my hand anymore before falling asleep.

He respond that he does and I’m just sleeping. Well, considering I slept through an earthquake maybe I am a sound sleeper. But I’m not alone in that, the President said he didn’t notice it over at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue either.

Suggestions, anyone?

2010-07-16T17:33:00.001+01:00

Apparently, The Thinker and I haven’t realized that it’s a marathon and not a sprint. Or perhaps, we were in the wooing stage and with a ring on my finger it’s not as important.

We spent a romantic weekend in California for our first Valentine’s Day. I went out of my way to make his first birthday together special. And he wooed me with a fabulous night on the town for my birthday.

I don’t want the ring to slow this down and become like everyone else...you know the boring couple at home. The Thinker’s birthday is a big one tomorrow…the big 3-0. Suggestions as to what I can do to make it special but not over the top? (He’s refusing a party, etc.)

Do I dare battle the zipper again?

2010-07-15T17:33:00.002+01:00

I’m scared to try my wedding dress on. There I said it.

With the help of Lil’ Mama, we scoured the web for the perfect dress. It’s not traditional, but was inspired by Jackie O’. It’s the perfect dress pictured on the store’s website. I ordered it a few days after The Thinker proposed and rushed home to try it on. Then it happened. I was no longer a size 4…I know. I know. No one wants to hear a girl bitch about not being in a size 4.

I tugged. I sucked in everything as much as possible. I pulled some more and then I had it up over my hips. Next the challenge of zipping. Jumping around my bathroom and coaxing the zipper half-way, I had to admit defeat. I paused to look at myself in the mirror's reflection. It was the perfect dress. The problem: I no longer had my perfect body.

Do you think this lead to determination to get my ass back into a size 4? Nope, I carefully peeled the dress off and tucked it in the box to return. I then proceed to rummage through the kitchen cupboards for that emergency chocolate I had hidden from myself. Without any success, I pulled on a pair of mesh shorts and ventured to CVS where I purchased a package of Hostess cupcakes, a bag of peanut butter M&Ms, a bag of Doritos and an A&W root beer.

I spent the next hour holding a pity party and devoured all the junk so The Thinker wouldn’t see the evidence. Have I since gotten my lazy bum out of bed to work out again in the morning? Nope. Have I made any serious adjustments to my diet? No. Did I reorder the dress in a larger size? Yes.

That brings me back to my fear. The dress arrived on Tuesday, where it has since sat in the box on the kitchen table. I don’t know if I have it in me to try it on again and have this one not fit too. I cannot go up another size. I hear girls explain that your wedding dress is usually several sizes larger than what you normally wear. But seriously, I did not pick a traditional wedding dress.

I start my new job on July 26. At which time, I hope to find my motivation again. I’m even considering an intense boot camp to get myself back in shape. The diet must change. I hope I can get The Thinker on board. I’m determined that we are one smoking hot couple standing before everyone on January 22 in Las Vegas.

Change is good

2010-07-14T22:05:00.002+01:00

Shortly, after announcing my choice to marry The Thinker, I received an email asking if Marilyn’s quote still held true. That single email has nagged at the back of my mind for some time. I never would have thought an innocent enough question would make me examine my way of thinking about love and ultimately my future.

"A smart girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."

Those words rang true for so long especially following the break-up with Mr. X. When I’m stressed with wedding nonsense or I come home from a day where the job is definitely not what I envisioned, I question my choice. But with the simple act of a hug or hearing The Thinker tell me he loves it changes.

I want to believe people can grow and become better people. I really want to believe that even more when applies to me. And I think it’s happened. I love The Thinker. As I’ve tried to explain before, which I know was not as poetic as I had hoped, the love shared with The Thinker is different. This love has a reached a depth in my soul that I never knew existed.

At first, I questioned every word from his mouth. I challenged him to fuck it all up. It was like I wanted him to mess up so I could walk away and chalk it up to being right. I didn’t want to risk any heartache. However, over time, I guess we could say he’s passed the test. Does he mess up? Yes, to error is human. The thing is he never intentionally hurts me. He is a man of his word and you know I’ve had trouble before with that.

When The Thinker got down on one knee behind the capitol and asked me to marry him, there was no hesitation. I knew something inside of me had changed. I had grown to trust him and love the partnership we have.

People say they cannot imagine having person X not in there life and well, you know me, I’ve laughed and assumed they were nuts. Now look at me, I’m going to tell you the same thing regarding The Thinker. This man makes me a better person. He loves me for the person I am. And most importantly he makes me laugh.

Given all of this, it’s time for the quote to change. It will now be…

"Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?" – Marilyn Monroe

I can't stay away from you!

2010-07-14T17:20:00.001+01:00

Everything in life is starting to fall into place. The Thinker and I are getting married in January 2011. I finally secured a new job. But something is missing. And then it occurred to me. I wasn’t sharing the news with you.

I had told myself when I started this blog that I would be able to tie it up in a neat little bow and walk away. I was really kidding myself on that one. I miss our regular conversations. I miss not writing.

Since I'm a woman and we're known to change our mind on occassion, I promise not to tease you any more. I’m back! I also promise not to turn this into a wedding blog because…well, that’s just not my style. Although, stories may slip in on occasion especially since we’re heading to Las Vegas!

I said yes.

2010-06-02T17:30:00.002+01:00

So many of you have read my deepest fears and heartaches and I thank you for the words of wisdom and the empathy. Not only were you there when I needed a shoulder to lean on, but you’ve also shared in my joys. And it’s only appropriate that I share my good news with you.

Who knew what started as a social experiment to force me back into the dating world would lead to a proposal? Yes, The Thinker proposed last night and I said yes. I never dreamt writing a blog would lead me to love and even more my husband.

I feel like Do You Come Here Often? has ran its course. But we all recall the last time I tried to leave you.

Are you sure it's only May?

2010-05-04T18:10:00.002+01:00

Maybe you’ve heard that Washington, DC was built on a swamp. I cannot find anything to confirm or deny this. However, I can attest to the ridiculous humidity that leaves my hair the size of Texas and a nasty film of moisture on the skin once winter starts to fade. Washingtonians really do not start to rant about the heat and subsequent humidity until July.

However, I’d argue that we skipped over the loveliness known as May and the transition period of June to dive straight into the sweltering heat and heavy humidity of July and August. Due to technical difficulties and an explanation from the building engineer (I think maintenance dude is a better label.), The Thinker and I have been without air conditioning to ease the blech of summer.

Sunday evening found us in Target on a mission to buy the biggest and best fan one could buy. The Thinker wanted a fan similar to those found on NFL sidelines that cool you even further with a refreshing mist in addition to the powerful breeze. Surprise! You cannot find those at Target.

Home with the Cadillac of fans offered for sale by Target, I was reminded of our moving day about a year ago to date. The Thinker dumped everything out of the box and was quite sure that he didn’t require instructions. I have matured since that first time of assembling and enjoyed my McDonald’s Happy Meal while watching the show. After about 5 minutes, he admitted the directions were necessary. Although he only referred to them when there was no other alternative. Because we all know asking me was not an option. What I think should have been a 10 maybe 15 minute project turned into 30 minutes if not a little longer.

Regardless, the fan was complete. He then proceeded to position it directly on him while he sprawled out on the couch for a nap. Forget that my girly bits were equally as hot and miserable as his balls. To top it off, he fell asleep within minutes of lying down. Am I bitter? Maybe a tad...

The positive, the fan hasn’t fallen apart and there weren’t any “extra parts.” Now to get the AC fixed before we are in full out summer.

Sassy Saying - No. 8

2010-05-03T19:04:00.002+01:00

It's Monday, so this is a freebie. I have more to say just not the time at the moment. Stay tuned...

“If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.”
- Margaret Thatcher

Photos from London

2010-04-29T01:58:00.005+01:00

I wanted to live up to my word. Here are a few of the better photos I took while there. You can find all of the good ones here.

Home At Last

2010-04-28T17:36:00.002+01:00

Stepping through the doors and into the international terminal at Dulles last Thursday evening, my eyes frantically scanned the immediate surrounding area in search of My Thinker. Being gone an additional five days longer than planned, left me in dire need of his embrace. I locked eyes with him within seconds and it felt as if our eyes remained locked until I found my way through the mess of people to him.

As I made my way to him, I was reminded of our first date. How our eyes locked instantly. How my heart skipped a beat. How the goose bumps popped up on the back of my neck when he first hugged me. It all came rushing back after being apart for over a week and his arms around me.

It’s funny how the first couple of nights back home have also replayed the early part of our relationship. We ravished each other’s bodies, exploring as if it was new, unchartered territory. As we became reacquainted with one another and what it was like to be so close, my focus shifted to catching up on sleep and becoming acclimated to the time change.

Last night, we were back in sync 100 percent. Neither of us remained awake reading or watching TV. Lights went off at the same time. I curled up close to him with my heading resting in that special nook intended especially for it. Nothing was said, but I rolled over later to my side of the bed feeling as if we had the best conversation. Before drifting off to slip, I felt his hand embrace mine and remembering nothing else but holding hands as I fell to sleep.

I woke this morning to feel like all was right in my world; I was finally back home both physically and emotionally.

I'm stranded in London

2010-04-21T15:22:00.005+01:00

What was to be a five day business trip has now become my purgatory. I left last Monday night, April 12 for London. To say I was leas than thrilled about this would be a major understatement. I’m a homebody. I like my own bed, my own shower and having a pretty consistent routine. To be honest, I don’t even like taking long vacations that have me away from home.

As The Thinker held me close in one last hug before he headed to work and I got around for a few hours at the office before heading to Dulles, the floodgates opened. I stood there sobbing like a baby with my arms wrapped around him. He stepped back wiped the tears away and reminded me he would be there Saturday to pick me up and bring me home.

Little did we both know that a volcano off the coast of Iceland was going to spew serious amounts of ash into the air and bring air travel to a halt last week. My flight has been rescheduled three times, with the last attempt for Friday afternoon. However, I have received word from a travel agent in Washington, DC a few minutes ago that we might be able to get on a Virgin Atlantic flight tomorrow afternoon.

I don’t expect sympathy from my colleagues. I mean I get it! There are worse places to be stranded. In fact, I’m fearful they are quite resentful that I came for business and then managed to get a free mini holiday on the company’s dime. Let’s hope that’s not the case. Regardless, I could really give a rat’s ass at the moment.

Right now, I miss The Thinker more than words can express. We have never spent this much time apart. Seriously, we were practically living together from the moment we agreed it would just be the two of us in a committed relationship. And to say, I’m not coping with this well is not at all accurate. I’m going absolutely mad. There’s little doubt that I’m going to drive him crazy right along with me.

Thankfully, this man is incredibly patient and loves me as much as he does. Because, let me tell you, I have an imagination that is in high gear. That and I’m not really sleeping. As I’ve explained before, I suffer separation anxiety when we not together.

Please keep your fingers crossed that I’m home tomorrow afternoon and in his embrace once again. I promise to share a few photos once I’m home with the necessary cords.

Cheerio!

And I thought girls were the only ones...

2010-03-18T17:22:00.001Z

“Don’t touch that shirt! It’s my skinny shirt,” snapped The Thinker when I suggested adding the shirt to the donation pile. With that response, I broke out into fits of giggles.

Boys have skinny clothes and fat clothes, too? I never knew.

So I left the shirt hanging in the closest, as I managed to load four garbage bags with clothes and another with shoes for Goodwill. I’m now fighting the desire to move the pink and baby blue stripped skinny shirt to a prominent location with hopes that it will serve as motivation. I think we have no choice but to tackle weight loss together.

I'll let you in on my ritual

2010-03-16T17:04:00.003Z

When you’re single you want nothing more than be in blissful coupledom. You believe it would be even better, if you could live with the man you love…come home to comforting embrace after a bad day, to feel his warmth near you as you sleep, to share engaging conversation over dinner, spend evenings cuddled up watching TV.

Well, you get all of that and then some. I’ve written of my trouble adjusting to sharing my space with The Thinker. I’m pleased to share either the problems have disappeared or more than likely, I’ve started adjusting. Gasp! I know.

Over the past couple of months, I have been witnessing a bit of an adjustment in my own behaviors. I fought long and hard for my quirky single behaviors.

Ladies, you know what I’m talking about. Where you sit with lime green slimly stuff smeared all over your face for at least 15 minutes while you watch trashy reality TV. Or perhaps, you enjoy saltine crackers covered in a line layer of butter as you flip through US Weekly. Regardless, each girl has her own little ritual/routine that she enjoys during her private time.

Thankfully, The Thinker and I didn’t stay in my small studio apartment on Massachusetts as I had initially wanted to do. Even though we have a one bedroom with walls creating actual rooms, you never quite have that same quiet time or private room to conduct the ritual.

And that is how, I’ve grown.

In fact, I feel like I’ve embraced the relationship with The Thinker on a little deeper level. I’ve allowed him to witness the various rituals. I’m sure if you asked him what they were, he’d give you a blank look. Or perhaps, he would raise his left eyebrow ever so slightly when he’s uncertain but doesn’t want you to catch on.

I haven’t showed my entire hand because well, I want him to think the beauty just miraculously happens. Can I say unwanted hair removal? But there are some where I have no choice. He’s watched me eat an entire pint of double chocolate fudge ice cream covered in melted peanut butter after an excruciating day at work. Yes, that was after I managed to eat half a medium Dominos’ pizza. He’s seen me walk around the house with purple goo covering my face. He’s watched what he inevitably considers minor surgery as I give myself a pedicure.

At some point, I accepted I was being a bit ridiculous. I plan to grow old with this man and it was time I let him see the real me. Thankfully, he loves me with or without the purple goo.

Where has the time gone?

2010-03-15T16:24:00.002Z

So I’ve been quiet. I was planning to write and share of the great snow of February 2010, but I basically lost track of time. I hope you can understand how that would happen after not having to be anywhere for a week or so. Once the snow stopped, I headed to Miami with The Thinker so we could meet up with his family for a cruise.

As soon as I returned to the office, I found myself buried with more work than I really wanted to deal with. I tried to delegate, but realized I have no one to delegate to. Kind of depressing, huh?

I have finally managed to get my head above water again. I also realized I haven’t been doing a very good job in accomplishing the 2010 To-Do List. I would consider January pretty successful for the most part. I’m still digging beer and soda cans out of the trash for recycling, but this is a long-term commitment.

February’s goal of practicing yoga once a week fell by the wayside. Snow and a cruise left me all out of whack when it came to a schedule. I don’t want to let this completely slide because I truly feel better when I practice. I was using Yoga Today (great online yoga resource) when at home and am going to try that again. I also want to take a beginner’s workshop at Capitol Hill Yoga. I have no clue as to what all the poses are called or how the hell to make my body contort that way. Hopefully, the workshop will ease the panic that sets in when the instructor tells the class to enter into the dolphin pose or your favorite inversion.

This month is half way complete and I have yet to make two new friends. I’m hoping to make it out to a DC Blogger happy hour. Please don’t tell me I already missed it. Perhaps, I can knock out the goal in one night. I feel like I know so many of you by having followed your blogs for so long. I just hope you like me and would want to be my friend.

April is to bring about rock climbing. Hopefully, my new friends will want to join me.

What do you play?

2010-02-03T17:56:00.000Z

For those of you following me on Twitter, you’re well aware that the Miss Scorpio household received a Wii for Christmas.

The Thinker and I now have a new guilty pleasure and one intense rivalry when we pick up the controllers. For the last month or so, we play at least one game of Mario Kart in the evening. However, last Saturday brought forth a six-hour marathon. I’m please to report that I have gained access to three new races whereas The Thinker is not the driver I am.

For the first time, I have found one thing in the competitive arsenal where I have been able to surpass The Thinker’s skills.

The game selection is quite limited – Mario Kart and the sports package that came with the system. With that I need your suggestions. What games do you recommend?

Love - is it just a word?

2010-02-02T20:33:00.005Z

“Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.”

Love - just a one syllable, 4 letter word. Yet, a word that can stir such emotions and be rather difficult to reach an agreeable definition for.

Yesterday, as a friend and I shared lunch, I listened to the excruciating details of her last relationship and its painful demise. It brought me back to the heartache and pain of Mr. X. As we left to head back to the office, I found myself trying to explain the love I share with The Thinker. I struggled to find words to associate with it so she could understand. And I was left with… “It’s different.”

Now what kind of definition is that? Yes, the love I have for The Thinker is different. It’s a stronger, more compassionate love. It’s a love that has a solid foundation in respect and admiration. That’s not to say there isn’t a passion. The one thing that constantly enters my mind is drama free.

The Thinker and I don’t have an emotional roller coaster. He doesn’t place demands on my love or require prerequisites. I struggle to understand such a love can thrive. I find myself doubting it, just because it’s all so new.

Although, I know it may be different and difficult for me to wrap up in a neat little box. I know I love The Thinker with all my heart and cannot imagine a moment without him because I love him.

Know of anything?

2010-01-28T01:14:00.002Z

Ok, so I'm learning lunch hours aren't always going to happen. However, I will fulfill my promise of writing on Wednesdays. I just can't promise when that will happen.

I'm emotionally drained.

Don't worry. The Thinker and I have never been better. I've reached a place where my personal life is rewarding beyond words. I now need to reach that same level of contentment within my professional life.

More often than not the advice is to find a hobby, devote your energy to something outside of the office or simply find a new job. I'm really trying to follow it. How else would you explain me running or practicing yoga? I'm frequently experimenting with new things in the kitchen, which explains for the situation with the pants. And even more importantly, I'm searching for a new job opportunity.

However, I find myself struggling with the 9-5, Monday thru Friday. I no longer hit the gym because I don't want to see everyone from the office. I lay curled up with my sweet kitty until the last possible minute. When I finally make it to my desk, I count down the minutes - wait seconds - before I can leave.

It's not that I don't like what I do. In fact, I'm pretty good at it. I just want to be paid what I'm worth. When the subject has been approached with my boss, he takes the whole "be happy you have a job" mentality. Honestly, I don't give a shit! I'm not happy. So, if you hear of any opportunities for a marketing professional with direct mail, event planning and social media marketing experience, please let me know.

The guilt won't leave

2010-01-21T16:40:00.002Z

I don’t want you to think I’m rescinding on my promise to write over the lunch hour on Wednesdays. As of late, I have found myself in a bit of an emotional slump. The thought of work has left me feeling nausea and overall just blech. The entire feeling ambivalence towards my job has yielded to a domino effect leaving me not wanting to head to the gym or to even curl up with a good book. I simply want to crawl into bed and hope my dreams take me to a better job.

Now let’s add another layer to leave me a little blue…it’s been almost two weeks now, but my grandmother – my dad’s mom – passed away. I feel a tinge of guilt for not being sad, for not feeling any kind of emotion for hearing someone close passed away. It was no different than hearing a complete stranger had died.

I was never close with her. As a child, she scared me and left me comparing her to the evil witch in the fairy tales. As I grew older and my parents separated she didn’t do anything to endear me to her. Instead when she learned of my plans for college, she complained about what a waste my life had become. The tattoos were disgraceful to the family. My car was embarrassing. Every choice I had made was an assault on her or at least that’s how she responded. At one point, she told me she was happy I was a girl so I wouldn’t carry on the family name once I got married. Let’s just say I’m tempted to retain my name or at the very least hyphenate just to show her.

Yet, I still feel guilt. I hadn’t spoken to her in over a decade. Now there is no chance to make amends, but I don’t think she would have taken the time to provide with such an opportunity.

With that thought lingering in the back of my mind, I started to think more about my relationship or lack thereof with my dad. His birthday was earlier this week. Granted, part of this rests on me. I forgot to call until 9 pm his time. When I called, I got maybe a 2 minute phone call. Instead a promise from him to call later, which surprisingly he did. I missed his call that he made while I was in yoga. I actually jumped to call him back to only be greeted by his voice mail.

As I hung up the phone from my 2 minute call on his birthday, I ached - a whole new kind of ache that I haven’t experienced in some time. My whole body hurt…my heart, my head, my back, even my hair. The Thinker simply wrapped me up in his arms and stroked my hair. I don’t know if he will ever appreciate how lucky he is. His dad gives a damn and has let him know.

2010 To-Do List: A new approach

2010-01-08T19:20:00.003Z

In the words of The Thinker, I was all full of piss and ginegar when developing my goals for 2009. After only ending the year with a 40% completion rate, I’m going to try a new approach. Instead of a general list of goals, I’ve decided to implement a deadline of sorts. I want to accomplish something each month towards making me a better person.

Now some of the items from the initial 2009 list will be general items that I’ll continue to work on throughout the year. Those include:

Get a handle on my finances. As I mentioned, The Thinker is really mature when his finances are concerned. He’s helped me develop a budget that I can stick to and will hopefully have my debt paid off in 5 years. (Yes, I did that much impulse shopping.)
Heal my heart and mind. During the last year, I’ve learned a great deal about myself. I never realized how much I hold onto things or sentimental I can be. I guess there is some truth in how Mr. Fratastic describes me – “Those with the hardest shells always have the softest centers.”
Continue to take care of my body. Prior to The Thinker, I was a diehard gym freak. A day without lifting or some other form of intense exercise was a day without sunshine for me. I blame The Thinker for the tighter pants, but more so I know I grew comfortable with him. I also realized that I was substituting the gym for something that brought me happiness. I’m a 100 times happier, but my damn wardrobe is now screwed! And the budget doesn’t allow for a new one.
Find a hobby. My job has always been a big piece of who I am. I know. I know. That’s not healthy. Now that I’m growing even more and more frustrated with it and not having the outlet of school, a hobby is even more important to my well being. I have varied interests, but I need to find a way to satisfy the interests while also adhering to my budget. Suggestions?

In addition to the over-reaching items, I have specific goals for each month. To ensure success, I only want to have one thing for each month.

January – Be good to Mother Earth
The Thinker and I watched Food Inc. on New Year’s Eve. Seeing the visuals was able to get him on board with the natural and organic diet. It also helps that the District has passed a $0.05 tax on all plastic and paper bags. I plan to reduce our waste by using reusable means when packing our lunches and to recycle more. As I’ve explained before, it only takes 21 days for something to become a habit. That’s why I plan to start the year with this one.

February – Practice yoga at least once a week throughout the entire month
Admittedly, I was one to scoff at yoga as a true workout. After going with Miss Virginia to a couple of different classes, I’ve learned I was mistaken. Not only did I head home feeling like I had just worked my butt off, I also had this overwhelming sense of calm. I have always been a little timid about going it alone, but I want to attend at least one class on my own with hopes that will catch on.

March – Make at least 2 new friends
I realized I have lots of acquaintances, but not necessarily true friends in this city. I don’t know if that’s attributed to the transient nature of DC or if it’s me. Regardless, I want to meet new people with hopes they grow into solid friendships. Perhaps, Miss Scorpio will be out at a blogger happy hour.

April – Go rock climbing
I’ve started searching for a new job and hope to have one secured by April. If not, this month is always hell. That’s why we’re keeping it simple. I’ve always been intrigued by this and think it could be quite a bit of fun while pushing my body.

May – Get in touch with an old friend
Seeing how I wanted to build new relationships in March, it’s only appropriate to renew some past friendships I let slide especially after I moved here.

June – Run at least 3 days a week during the month
My old attitude was I don’t run unless someone is chasing me. Before winter set in, I was running about 3 miles a day around the Mall and the Hill. Keep a secret? I was starting to enjoy the time to myself and knowing that I was getting in better shape. Running on a treadmill is not my cup of tea. I’ve tried but the whole running in place thing is a moral killer for me.

July – Document the month with a picture a day
During my freshman year of undergrad, I took a photography course and absolutely loved it. Throughout the next couple of years, I was the “historian” with every event well documented in photos. As digital cameras started to take over and the challenges of not having a dark room close by I lead this slip away. Despite that I think I’ll still be able to secure some pretty decent pictures with my Zach Morris-style digital camera. If I really take to it, I might just able to justify a new camera and a new hobby.

August – Do 25 pushups nonstop
At the peak of my fitness blitz last year, I was so close. Then my interest waned and I let it go. Time to tackle this once again.

September – Volunteer
I have time and a desire to improve my community. Last year about this time, I found a program that was seeking volunteers to read with kids after school at least once a week. Considering my love for books, I think this would be a good fit. Fingers crossed I can find that information again when September rolls around.

October – Go apple picking
The Thinker and I talked about doing this last fall but classes got in the way. He’ll be writing his thesis by this point and I’m sure he’ll need a break. If not, I’ll take the car and venture out on my own. Nothing better than apple pie with fresh picked apples.

November – Read three new books
I like to read but I tend to gravitate towards the same thing. I’d like to find something that is a little different about areas I’d like to learn more about. Not to mention, The Thinker will be in serious thesis mode so I’ll need to be a little quiet.

December – Bake three new things
Nothing makes a better gift for the holidays than fresh baked cookies or homemade candy. I enjoy cooking and my baking skills have been improving, but I tend to bake the things I’m most comfortable with. I’d like to branch outside of the comfort zone and try three new recipes. If they don’t work out, I know I have my fallback reliable recipes.

2009 To Do List Review

2010-01-07T16:58:00.003Z

Remember that to-do list I created at the beginning of last year. Don’t worry if you forgot about it. I basically did around August. Honestly, I'm surprised it lasted that long. Anyways, let’s see how I did for shits and giggles, shall we.

~~Finish the damn thesis!~~ – Complete. I graduated in May, while I didn’t walk because I was in California with my wonderful love I have the piece of paper and the satisfaction of knowing I earned a Master’s degree.
Learn Spanish. – So I totally dropped the ball on this one and really have no desire to learn Spanish as of now.
Get a handle on my finances. – The Thinker has been amazing in helping me get my money situation under control. I’ve never been good with it; I like to spend it the moment I get it. Those shoes were just calling my name. Bad, I know. I’m a grownup. Regardless, I’m on the right track now.
~~Finish painting my apartment.~~ – Complete. I moved in with my Thinker so not an issue.
~~Clean out my closest twice.~~ - Complete. Again, I owe this to moving in with The Thinker. I had no choice but to down size.
Continue to take care of my body. I started the year strong and then landed flat on my butt. Coupledom has wrecked havoc on this, but don’t worry I’ll update you of the changes tomorrow. We, as in The Thinker and I, have a new plan to resolve the problem.
Heal my heart and mind. I have a feeling this will be a work in progress for the coming year as well. Although, I’m in a much better place at the close of 2009 and the start of 2010.
Get back into the habit of calling my grandpa every Sunday. I fell off on this because Grandpa would hang up on me. After talking with him about it over the holidays, he’d prefer a card. It’s too difficult for him to enjoy our phone calls.
~~Remember you are salaried; there is no OT.~~ Complete. I kicked butt in this one. The fact that I’m burnt out and in need of new challenges probably made this a little too easy.
Find a hobby. I’m still in search of my hobby. I did, however, enjoy more of what DC has to offer. Knitting was a total bust, but then that could be because I tried to figure it out by reading step-by-step instructions with poor illustrations. I think I need a one-on-one demo from a real person. Cooking has really stepped up. And with that, I think it has contributed to the health issues. Baking cookies out of boredom is not so good for the waistline because you don’t want them to go to waste.

I'm not happy with my 40% completion rate, so I’ve decided to take a new approach to 2010 goals. Stay tuned for the reveal of that plan tomorrow.

Not what I expected

2010-01-06T17:32:00.002Z

I know the Christmas holiday has came and went already without a single peep from me. That was probably because it wasn't a big mess like last year and even more because The Thinker was with me in Kansas and my nutty family. I was slightly nervous given my sister had yet to meet him although we had been together for over a year by that point.

My sister and I are very similar in some aspects while also being total opposites in others. Despite her living in Atlanta, we still packed the same shirt and jeans to wear during our time home for Christmas. No, we didn’t buy them while together. No, we didn’t plan this. For some reason, it inevitably happens. We both enjoy cooking and share that special bond only sisters can.

Unlike me, she isn’t quite the gunner as my brother would say. It took her almost a decade to finish undergrad compared to my early graduation. She always needs a boyfriend even if he’s not the right one. And she never leaves the house or even her bedroom without makeup. Me, I hate the stuff so I keep it simple.

Anyways, she’s my sister and her opinion mattered. “He’s not at all what I expected.” She went on to explain that wasn’t a bad thing, blah, blah. Instead of listening to her, my thoughts lead me to that list describing my type. I hadn’t considered it or even compared my love to it because I’m happy what does a list matter?

After more thought, I decided to see how The Thinker rates compared to my list of 21 attributes that I desired in a man. As I read through the list, the first item immediately was a miss. The Thinker is not 6’, but I don’t even notice this unless I’m in heels and he comments about my recent growth spurt. I continued reading down the list and again nothing until the age requirement of 30. He’s not 30, but there are days he’s wise beyond his years and others that reminds me he’s a boy.

I always thought a list was just an excuse to finding someone. In my case, I think it helped me determine what were the deal breakers and what I was flexible on. As I developed the list, I made sure to include qualities and not physical requirements. It probably also helped that I forgot about it and went with my gut and the kitty’s response. (She loves him by the way.)

It's been a while...

2010-01-05T20:36:00.005Z

Have you ever received an email from someone or perhaps a voice message that you needed to get back to later? Well, the intentions were there but then days perhaps weeks passed and you felt it was almost too late to respond for fear of looking a bit foolish.

That basically sums up how I have felt about posting something. My intentions were to write something over lunch and then I’d find myself lying in bed thinking “Damnit! There’s another day I didn’t get to it.” Compound this with being at a loss for words and I’m essentially a mess.

Now with a new year, I find myself filled with renewed energy. This week I’m promising you three different posts this week, not including today. Yes, you read right. You'll get to hear my rambling thoughts on three separate occassions. Moving forward, you can expect to hear from me every Wednesday over my lunch break. I hope you'll be able to join me for lunch.

One year ago...

2009-12-11T21:07:00.002Z

Sunday will mark the one year anniversary of my first date with The Thinker. When I mentioned this to him, he gave me his boyish grin and responded, “That doesn’t count. It’s January 2 because that's when I made you scream.”

Whatever...

I remember our first date like it was yesterday. We were both nervous and not certain of ourselves or the evening itself. Yet, there was a comfort with one another that I had never experienced before. It was like I had known him my entire life. The conversation never got weird and the moments of silence were natural. I didn’t fret about eating a huge platter of food. I didn't constantly feel like he was judging me.

I was at ease. I had met a man that accepted me. As I walked home with my hand in his, I knew something was different about him. We remember how I tried to push him away, but this man did what every girl secretly wants the man to do – he fought for me. And that’s why today, I find a sense of peace that I never knew could exist. I had fallen in love with my best friend.

How do you make this work?

2009-12-10T17:48:00.002Z

As you know, The Thinker and I moved in with one another this past May. Every morning I have the pleasure of waking up next to the man I love and knowing that I’ll return home to him after my time out in the big bad world. Despite the loving bliss I have with him, I have spent the last couple of months struggling with the reality of living with someone.

Let me be clear in labeling this a “Miss Scorpio problem”. I have lived alone for over ten years. During that time, I grew accustomed to my own routine and ridiculous quirks. I also grew comfortable with spending time with no one but myself and in fact developed to a point of needing that time.

I have now learned that all of that has been thrown on its head after moving in with The Thinker. I find myself less inclined to wake at 4:45 am as I had done for the last couple of years to make my way to the gym. Why don’t I continue? I don’t want to disrupt his sleep and have him waking well before he needs to. I’ve started eating much heavier meals at night because I feel insulted and annoyed that he’s in the kitchen making peanut butter sandwiches only minutes after the table is cleared from dinner. I grow frustrated that he beats me home more often than not, leaving me with no time to just unwind.

I know that relationships involve compromise. I simply don’t know how to do so without fear of losing The Thinker. (This is probably leftover from my daddy issues and terrible relationship with Mr. X.) I know he loves me. When the words couldn’t form, but the tears spilled out of my eyes, he told me it was okay to be more selfish. I just don’t know how. If you live with you love, how do you balance it all?

Will you help me?

2009-12-07T15:41:00.003Z

With my arms wrapped around him and my head resting on his shoulder, I could hear the soft sobs of pain escaping his body. Occasionally, I could feel a tear or two land on my hand. I tried to hold tighter hoping all the heartache and guilt inside of him would transfer to me, so I could make it all better.

I seldom talk of the details surrounding the personal lives of The Thinker and me. We could be any couple about town up to crazy antics or facing day to day life challenges. However, after seeing those tear well up in the corner of his eyes, I want to call on you. The details are seldom and even of more note, politics rarely have a place on here, despite living in Washington, DC where everyone has a cause.

During his time in the Air Force, The Thinker did not one but two tours – one in Iraq in 2005 and a second a few months later in Afghanistan. Despite not seeing combat, the time there changed something inside of him. We recently went to see the movie, The Messenger, and things became clearer for me as to why.

Time has passed since he’s been back, but I believe My Thinker is suffering from survivor’s guilt. As a result, he now strongly opposes American efforts in Afghanistan. I never paid much attention to our foreign policy. I would get worked up about social issues on the home front.

Now after holding The Thinker in my arms as he visibly hurt from knowing soldiers on the ground and seeing the pain and havoc war brings on individuals, families and a country as a whole, I’m asking for your help. Will you write your Senator and Congressman to express your concern? I have included a draft email or letter below, which you can tweak as you see fit. You can find your Congressman and Senators contact information here.

Dear Congressman/Senator,
I am writing you to express my concerns with the on-going wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. President Obama has recently authorized a large troop escalation in Afghanistan, even after running for President as a “peace” candidate. It is my belief that the war, and
President Obama’s proposed escalation, would exacerbate the terrorism problem and thus negatively impact America’s foreign policy and safety. I urge you to oppose the escalation and do everything you can to bring our troops home.

You don’t have to take my word for it. In 2004, the Defense Science Board, a committee of civilian experts that advises the Department of Defense, said “American direct intervention in the Muslim World has paradoxically elevated the stature of and support for radical Islamists, while diminishing support for the United States…” The full Defense Science Board Report can be found by going to http://www.acq.osd.mil/dsb/reports/2004-09-Strategic_Communication.pdf.
If the Defense Science Board is right, bringing our troops home would raise the safety and security of America and its citizens. I urge you to take whatever legislative action necessary to do just that.
Best Regards,
Your Name

It's all about the bird!

2009-12-03T15:32:00.005Z

I apologize for not remaining a constant presence in your life. I don’t have a legitimate explanation to provide you other than I’ve been lazy.

Now that I have that little detail out of the way, I’d like to chat a little about Thanksgiving. I know everyone has since moved on since that was last week and in full on Christmas mode. But I was lazy and now I have the urge to write.

This Thanksgiving was the first time I’ve been away from family. I haven’t always spent the holiday with everyone, but at the very least my sister and I have found a way to get together.

There was one year in undergrad that we decided to boycott the family for some reason - must not have been too important, since I cannot seem to remember it for the live of me. We started the day by heading into Blockbuster in our PJs to stock up on movies to hold us over until the football games commenced. We then proceeded to order pizza and lay around on the couch. When that was just too much for us, we took a break by wandering around the Wal-Mart Super Center.

And just last year, I flew down to Atlanta to spend time with her again. Instead of Wal-Mart and pizza, I spent the morning in the gym sweating my ass off. Dinner was somewhat healthier – grilled steaks and baked sweet potatoes.

So this year, when the initial plan of driving up to Pennsylvania to spend it with The Thinker’s parents fell through. We decided to stay put in DC and invite other Thanksgiving orphans over to our place. I was terrified as this was the first time I’ve ever cooked the Thanksgiving meal. I wanted to test run the turkey, but The Thinker was certain that would just be ridiculous. I lost the argument of, “No one will remember if the potatoes suck. It’s all about THE BIRD!”

I’m pleased to report the bird was a success. The skin was crispy. The meat was juicy and full of flavor. Forget the fact that I used close to two sticks of butter to achieve that. The rest of the meal including mashed sweet potatoes, sautéed green beans, corn dressing and pumpkin biscuits were also awesome. I really out did myself.

I missed not having my sister there, but overall I’d be okay if this became the new tradition The Thinker and I start.

My favorite time of year

2009-11-18T17:54:00.006Z

The brisk cool air against my skin. The spicy warm sweetness of apple cider. The beauty of warm reds, oranges, yellows and browns that take over the trees. The football season is well under way. Those are just a few of the reasons why fall is my favorite season of the year.

Taking my love for the season into consideration, The Thinker and I took a drive down the GW Parkway earlier this month. The canopy of vibrant leaves covering the road was amazing.

Before making it too far down the Parkway, The Thinker was on a mission to add to the tourist sites visited in our own back yard. We stopped off at Teddy Roosevelt Island. This particular Saturday didn’t provide the best weather, so we didn’t thoroughly explore the island.

The Thinker even indulged me further by stopping at the scenic overlooks so I could snap a few pictures. The drive took us up to Bethesda to meet up with one of his friends for time then devoted to watching college football.

In short, it was the perfect way to spend a fall Saturday.

At least, it's clean

2009-11-16T21:38:00.004Z

I know I promised to fill you in on life from the last couple of weeks. And I’m certain it would make more sense to do so chronologically. However, this is just too damn funny. Whenever, I think about it I start to laugh and undoubtedly I’ll start giggling as I type. Without further adieu...

Yesterday, Miss Virginia and I decided that we should probably take advantage of the Living Social Deal that LivitLuvit introduced us to. As I headed out the door to the 4:00 pm class, The Thinker was set on surprising me with his ability to assist around the house. Considering I’m quite particular, I limited the laundry assistance to towels and bedding, which he obliged.

After the last couple of weeks at work, yoga was the perfect plan for yesterday afternoon. Miss Virginia and I were able to catch up all while stretching and strengthening the body. As an aside, I recommend the 4 pm power yoga class at Vida at Gallery Place. I’m sore this morning, but don’t worry it’s a good sore.

Anyways, when I walked through the door last night, I heard sounds that were quite alarming given the plan The Thinker presented before I left. I was welcomed home by the sounds of water sloshing around and The Thinker huffing and puffing. I was almost certain that the washer was overflowing all over the closet and my beautiful shoes were ruined.

Before freaking out too much more, I hear The Thinker yelling, “I’m in here.” I walked into the bathroom to find him struggling with the soaking wet comforter. My only concern was “don’t get water all over the place.” Without paying it much more attention, I left to start dinner.

A few minutes later, The Thinker is walking through the living room buck naked and back to the bathroom. (Yes, I’m laughing now and struggling to type.) He explained that he was doing battle with a heavy beast and he didn’t want to be in dripping wet clothes that would add further dead weight.

Let me tell you this was a situation in which I could not leave well enough alone. I had to see this with my own eyes. I made my way into the bathroom to find that the soaking wet queen-sized comforter was resting in the bath tub. Not only did the washer not wring it out, it didn’t thoroughly rinse it. When I came home, he was in the rinsing phase. Lucky me, I got to witness the “spin” cycle.

I tried to assist suggesting he take one end and I the other so that we could twist until we met in the middle. It was too heavy and the bathtub just wasn’t large enough. Seeing him standing there completely naked trying to deal with this, I lost it. I was laughing so hard there were tears in my eyes.

Rather than waste more time, I left him to his own devices to only return a few minutes later. This time I found him laying on top of the comforter in the tub in an effort to squeeze more water out. I’m not sure how he managed to finish it, but the comforter is clean and dry.

As we were sitting on the couch watching Sunday Night Football, I warned him that I would be sharing this little story. I then explained that it would be even funnier, if I had video to share. His response, “I cannot unleash this [as he runs his hands from head to toe] on the world, especially if I’m nekkid.”

Can we touch base next week?

2009-11-11T16:55:00.001Z

Don’t worry. I have not forgotten about you. Seriously, how could I when you are so amazing?

Work is taking up more time than I care for. Once my head is back above water, I’ll fill you in on all my stories starting next week. I mean…I need to share pictures from the little trip with The Thinker to admire the beautiful fall foliage along the GW Parkway, my birthday and all those other little details.

Chat with you soon!

Firsts

2009-10-28T19:07:00.000Z

Last night, as I laid next to The Thinker with his hand enclosing mine, I was reminded of when we first started dating and having sleepovers. Despite it being in the middle of the winter, The Thinker would complain of being too hot and that he was going to roast if I cuddled up too close to him. As a compromise, he would reach over and grab my hand. We would then proceed to talk for hours about everything from our favorite childhood stories to our deepest secrets.

Now after being in cohabitating bliss for six months now, I’ve noticed those sweet little moments fade away. That you grow comfortable with that person. And even more simply, you fall into a daily routine where a good night’s sleep is essential.

Given my tendency to worry, I brought it up with The Thinker. “Are we done with all the firsts,” I asked. With a completely straight face, he looked at me and replied, “We still have to experience the first time I drop my pants in public.”

Once I managed to control the giggles, he pulled me close and calmed my nerves with a simple no. With my head nestled into his that special nook where his arm meets with his shoulder, I began to contemplate all of the firsts that remain. Right now, some might seem as monumental as the first kiss or the first night of sex. However, there will be firsts that neither of us shared with anyone else that will truly be “our” firsts. And with that, I drifted off to sleep.

Well, isn't that nice

2009-10-27T17:51:00.005Z

It’s rare to have one positive experience with the DMV, but to have two in one year. Well, that’s just unheard of. And yet, I found myself quite pleased with the service of the DC DMV this morning. Perhaps, it was because I handled my entire transaction online rather than dealing with one of the angry women behind the counter onsite.

A few weeks ago I received an email notice from DMV reminding me to renew by driver’s license before it expires in November. I was even more surprised to see a follow-up reminder just last week. Seeing as the deadline is less than 2 weeks away and the new license will now be mailed to me, I figured I better just deal with it and cross it off the to-do list.

In less than 15 minutes I went through the entire online process and was sent an email confirming “Your driver's license was successfully renewed on 10/27/2009.”

Now how sweet is that? Unfortunately, I’ll have to actually make an appearance the next time I renew. At least that isn’t until November 2017…something about getting a current picture and an eye exam.

When I shared my good fortune with The Thinker via email, he did not quite share in the excitement. Instead, he replies with “Well isn't that nice. If you average our shared time at the DMV, we are still over 4 hours.”

Where's the love?

2009-10-26T17:27:00.002Z

I’m a girl that loves sports and not one of those girls that loves sports because that’s where the boys are. I truly love the game for the pure love of the game.

In high school on the yearbook staff, it was my job to capture the photos at all the games. Trust me there was nothing better than being that close to the action working to capture the perfectly thrown pass or the buzzer beating shot. In college it continued, I was the sole sports writer for the school newspaper my junior and senior year. As a result I was exposed to sports that I had never really paid much attention to prior, like tennis, golf and women’s softball.

Regardless, football has always held a special place in my heart. Well, that and college basketball. So when I fell in love with a former D-I quarterback, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I would finally have a man to watch all of the games with. Someone that would plop down on the couch with me and agree there was no need to shower because the game was on.

My perfect little fantasy as I had imagined it in my mind was nowhere near the real deal and I blame it all on fantasy football. I had never played, even though friends tried to convince me to join their league. My brother plays but I think he does it more to prove to his buds that he knows more than them.

Well, The Thinker plays not in one league but two. And it ruins the game. Instead of team loyalty, I notice there is now player loyalty. What happened to pulling on your team’s colors and cheering for them to the bitter end? It appears to be over now that fantasy football has emerged.

That dream of laying on the couch with The Thinker, a pizza in arm’s reach and a six pack near our feet is instead replaced with him holding his laptop checking scores of each of his players and IMing his friends around the country to talk smack. He completely forgets the fact that he has a hot girl, who loves football, sitting next to him. And it’s not like I’m a dumb hot girl. I understand the game and I want him to teach me the more detailed nuances.

Instead, he’s obsessed with Chris Cooley not being thrown the ball enough. Or that Brandon Jacobs wasn’t exploding for the yards as he had previously done. It’s like I’m not even in the room.

Not at all how I pictured the season going. I now find myself anxiously awaiting the playoffs because the fantasy season will be over and maybe then we can enjoy a game as it was intended.

I'm such a cheap date

2009-10-23T16:54:00.005+01:00

Following the extraction of his wisdom teeth, The Thinker was pretty much knocked on his rear for a few days. And being the doting girlfriend that I am, I didn’t want to leave his side in the event that he might need me. Had you stopped by our place, both of us could be found on the couch channel surfing.

Occasionally, we grew tired of the surfing and let the commercials run. It is during that time that we were exposed to one too many commercials from Red Lobster promoting their endless shrimp. What started as a joke, grew into a trip out to Woodbridge, Virginia last Friday night for plates and plates of fried shrimp. [He explains the fun better.]

Last night, as we sat curled up in what has become our usual position, we saw the Chili’s commercial advertising their 3 for $20 deal. Without hesitating, we looked at each and agreed that Friday (as in tonight) would be date night at Chili’s. I’m such a cheap date.

Now if only I could persuade him to take me to Applebee’s as that is my favorite chain.

Is that you?

2009-10-23T14:24:00.002+01:00

In the comments from yesterday’s post, I received a request to post the other signs. Let me know if this describes you as well as it described The Thinker and me.

ARIES - The Aggressive
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving.. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be 'Right'. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world.

TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight. Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for the love of attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth!

GEMINI - The Twin
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good at confusing people... Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Gemini's will not take any crap from anyone. Gemini's like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Gemini's can be very sarcastic and childish at times, and are very nosey. Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.

CANCER - The Beauty
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal.. A Cancer's Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative Person, most are artists and insane respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An Ultimate Freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever. Cancers make love with a passion beyond compare. Spontaneous. Not a Fighter, But will kick your ass good if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to!

LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy, but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A Leo's problem becomes everyone's problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found.

VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. The do not forgive and never forget the one and only.

LIBRA - The Lame One
Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with... You might end up crying. Libras can c au se as much havoc as they can prevent. Faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Kinda dumb at times.

SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring.

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones will all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed...!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Grouchy at times and annoying to some. Lazy and love to take it easy. But when they find a job or something they like to do they put their all into it. Proud, understanding and sweet. Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to win against other signs especially Gemini's in sports. Likes to cook but would rather go out to eat at good restaurants. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart.

AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind, loves being in long-term relationships. Can be clumsy at times but tries hard. Will take on any project. Proud of themselves in whatever they do. Messy, and unorganized. Procrastinators. Great lovers, when their not sleeping.. Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets usually more then their family. Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out.

PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Messy at times and irresponsible! Smart but lazy. High appeal. Has the last word. Good to find, hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. Lover of animals. VERY caring, make wonderful nurses or doctors. They always try to do the right thing sometimes get the short end of the stick. They sometimes are used by others and hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to others but need to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be.

Does this hold any truth?

2009-10-22T18:04:00.008+01:00

Email is not my mom’s thing. I’m being generous when I make this estimate, but she checks her account once a week. You cannot email her an interesting article or even a thought out note when it’s too late to call. She will, however, send those annoying chain messages. I think she is the most superstitious person I know and never wants the years of bad luck that are threatened.

99% of the time, I delete these messages without further regard. But today, I couldn’t resist. I opened it. Today’s chain provides your horoscope brought to you by the Pharaoh of Egypt in Australia. Let’s see just how accurate this pharaoh is in describing The Thinker and me.

The Thinker is a Cancer. According to the pharaoh, he is “The Beauty.”

MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. A Cancer's Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative Person, most's are artists and insane respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An Ultimate Freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever. Cancers make love with a passion beyond compare. Spontaneous. Not a Fighter, But will kick your ass good if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to!

As my name implies, I’m a Scorpio or as the pharaoh would describe me – “The Addict.”

EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring.

After reading over each a little more closely, this pharaoh from down under may just be onto something. He’s described both of us quite accurately. Don’t worry, I plan to hold on to my Thinker.

My damn subconscious!

2009-10-16T17:10:00.006+01:00

In preparing for dinner and tidying up the apartment a little last night, I was reminded of The Thinker’s follow-up appointment on Monday regarding his wisdom teeth. He nodded as if he was leaps and bounds ahead of me with a reminder scheduled on his calendar.

As I sat down to share our gourmet dinner of Cheeseburger Hamburger Helper, The Thinker provided additional details of his visit last week for the actual removal of his wisdom teeth. I must think quite highly of myself because I was more than convinced that the moment he came to he would be thinking of me.

Well, The Thinker burst that little bubble quite quickly. He explained that he was first most concerned with being rational. Yes, you read that right. Secondly, his thoughts went to General McChrystal, who is in charge of our efforts in Afghanistan. Even after poking and prodding him, he never admitted to daydreaming about me. He reassured me that he was concerned prior to the procedure. In an effort to laugh it off, I asked him to just tell a little white lie next time and respond with “Baby, it was only you in my thoughts.”

Before we could discuss it any further, he had started the latest episode of Mad Men on his iTunes download. Call me crazy because we all know I have a tendency to over analyze and fixate on issues. This is one of those issues. Combine that with Dr. Bailey explaining the problem of Addison's feelings for Noah to her on Private Practice last night and I didn’t sleep much.

Around 4:30 am, I awoke from one of the most vivid dreams I have experienced in months. Trust me when I woke up it felt so real and left me ready to pack my bags. Let me explain…

In my dream, The Thinker preferred to call his ex girlfriend once he was certain I had fallen asleep or on his drive home from work. During these phone calls, he would share his fears, dreams and random musings from the day. When I had learned of this and confronted him about it, he didn’t deny it. His only response was “Don’t worry. I haven’t slept with her. I’m with you.” Like any strong prideful woman, I packed my bag and left. I woke as I shut the door to our apartment.

Laying there next to him in bed listening to the sound of his breathing, I couldn’t fall back to sleep. I was numb. The dream felt so real. It hit even closer to home because Mr. X and I started as an emotional affair. I know the damage emotions can create; I think they leave more than the physical affairs.

I didn’t want to wake The Thinker. I tried falling back to sleep on the couch, but the kitty wasn’t going to let that happen. So I finally crawled back into bed next to him around 6 am and drifted off for a few more minutes of sleep. When he woke me with sweet kisses and affection shortly after 7, I couldn’t ruin the moment to share of my dream. I just had to remind myself that it was only a dream.

Just when I thought I had healed, my damn subconscious has to stir something up. I need to sort through all of this to ensure I don’t damage what I have with The Thinker. I can see him shaking his head at me now.

We'll see about that

2009-10-15T21:01:00.003+01:00

You may recall that The Thinker and I are trying to get healthy. There's even a little wager on the line. I'm jealous that he believes he has found the answer. We'll see about this. I might just have to play dirty. I don't like losing...wink, wink.

Are you still dating that girl?

2009-10-14T20:23:00.001+01:00

You remember the story of how The Thinker and I met, right?

Well, as I meet his friends, I’ve learned he was quite proud of himself for sealing the deal with me. He emailed my blog address to friends around the country. Apparently, my writing and stories were quite provocative pre-Thinker.

Throughout the course of a day, The Thinker and I will exchange several emails. This afternoon he shared a message with me from one of his buddies in Texas, “Not that I want to read about YOU having sex, but do you still date the girl with the sex blog?”

I have had the pleasure of meeting this guy within the first month of dating The Thinker. I can only imagine the thoughts racing through his mind as we sat talking for an hour or so over cocktails. Like any girlfriend, I had to ask The Thinker how he responded. I get a reply of “I said, yes, but she writes more about relationships and other odds and ends rather than sex.” So maybe this is why I've experienced a decline in readership. Well and the fact that I did fall off the radar for a while.

Now that I’m in a committed relationship with an amazing man, who is also a loyal reader, I don’t think there is a reason to share those stories. What I have with The Thinker is treasured and should be shared between just the two of us. For those that are curious, don’t worry…it’s mind blowing!

Silence explained

2009-10-13T17:34:00.002+01:00

Before walking back for the procedure, he turned around in time to exchange a wink. I was then left with another man in a dimly lit sitting room. I had planned for the time waiting by bringing along the latest book, but my mind would not focus on the words spread about the page. Instead I worried about My Thinker.

It was a routine procedure. The Thinker was going to be knocked out to have all four wisdom teeth pulled at once. I had told myself repeatedly that it was a simple procedure that occurred on a regular basis. However, I still felt butterflies fluttering about in my tummy. And I found myself wishing I had stood to hug him and whisper “I love you” in his ear before he went back.

After 45 minutes of anguish, the nurse poked her head out the door and called me back so I could take my man home. It took every ounce of self-control to not laugh at him. He was still tipsy from the anesthesia. Combine this with a large white bandage wrapped around his head and all the gauze stuffed inside his mouth, he was quite the comedic site.

He wasn’t quite as bad as little David, but he was still a handful to get home. Thankfully, we took a cab and not the metro.

The rest of my weekend was spent nurturing The Thinker back to health. He’s still not able to eat what he considers “real food,” so he’s counting on a big weight loss. We’ll see, considering he’s eating ice cream like it’s his mission in life.

Sunday morning he convinced me to take a walk and soak up some of the glorious weather. With my hand in his, he looks at me and says, “I didn’t want to scare you, but I knew a girl that didn’t wake up after going under to have her wisdom teeth removed. As I sat down in the chair, I realized I should have made revisions to my life insurance policy so you would be a beneficiary in addition to my parents.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond and I don’t doubt my face made that clear. He then proceeded with, “Baby, we’re essentially married without the formality. And more importantly you’re my life. I love you.”

I didn’t feel squeamish at that thought of being Mrs. Thinker or that I had major responsibility in being someone’s life. If anything, it just magnified the warmth of the sun as we continued on our walk.

And he's back at it

2009-10-08T01:45:00.003+01:00

The Thinker and I both share a love for the written word. Be it a great book, a well written article or a simple love you note on a piece of scrap paper. There’s something about writing that just hits a certain piece inside of us. We have talked about walking completely away from the blogosphere.

Gasp! I know.

Anyways, I’m committed to writing three times a week again at a minimum here at Do You Come Here Often?. I’m also happy to let you know The Thinker has started writing again at Don't Look Like a Lineman. As of now, he’s writing a weekly post on Wednesdays, but I have a feeling he might starting writing more frequently. I highly recommend checking out the team at Don’t Look Like a Lineman.

Ladies, don’t let the name fool you. I’m sure you’ll find some interesting things there as well. Most importantly share it with the men in your life and let the team know what you think.