This should come as no surprise given my prior rants. I
seriously do not want to be a mother.
Now that I’ve put it out there, do not start questioning
me. I know I had no desire to get married and that changed, but trust me this
baby thing is completely different. I don’t foresee my mind changing any time
soon. Telling me my eggs are growing stale, seeing other babies, or aging in general
is not going to sway me.
I have never had this strong desire to become a mom. As a
little girl, I didn’t like playing house. Instead, it was school or maybe
general store. My sister and I even played board room. We’d using the dining
room table, seat our stuffed animals around, tape large sheets of paper to the
walls and start the update on the status of our store. Perhaps, we were a bit eccentric.
You can ask her and she has no desire for children either. In junior high, I’d
babysit but I hated it. I did it one summer, decided enough of this, and made
damn sure I found a better job for the following year. I struggled when I had
to care for an egg. I think I secretly replaced mine at least twice.
Why do I bring this up? Well, one couple, who are our closest
friends in DC are expecting. C-Mac and his wife had a baby earlier this year.
And another close couple is trying. Add that with the fact that The Thinker and
I are married and the reminder that I’m in my thirties is just a clusterfuck of
baby talk.
I don’t give a rat’s ass what the latest baby
professional is telling you. I’m sorry that you can no longer enjoy a stiff
drink, but it’s not my problem. Even more I don’t care that you’re pants don’t
fit. Join the club neither does mine.
The poor Thinker…he’s heard my pissing and moaning so
much during the past couple of weeks. I feel like I have to rationalize why I’ve
reached the decision I have. I feel like people cast judgment on me. I feel
like people don’t believe me.
Trust me I have worried that there must be something
wrong with me. What woman doesn’t want children?
As I have grown older, I have reached a peace with this
choice. I want a career and I don’t think a woman can have both. (Sorry ladies.
I know so many of you will try to convince of otherwise.) The Thinker and I
really like where our life is right now and don’t like the idea of it changing.
Call us selfish bastards we don’t care.
Bottom line. I don’t want to be a mom and I really don’t
want to hear all the damn baby/mommy talk.
8 comments:
The decision not to have children should be important to only two people -- you and The Thinker.
The rest of the people can go suck eggs.
I wholeheartedly support your desire to not have children. There is nothing wrong with you, many women don't want children.
There is something worse than not having children and that is not really wanting one but having one anyhow. Believe me, I know. I was never going to get married and never had kids and did both and it pretty much destroyed three lives (mine, my now-ex husband's and my child's). My child lives with my ex, which makes me (in the eyes of society) even WORSE because what kind of mother wouldn't do ANYTHING to have her child? And, for the record, I didn't LOSE custody, I willingly gave custody to my ex.
Trust me, it's far better to regret not having children than to have them and regret it. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't love/care about my child, I just never felt any closeness/bond and having a child who tells visitors that you're the housekeeper sure doesn't help.
Sorry for getting long-winded. But, trust me, you are not defective in any way for not wanting children. You are not alone, either. I know it seems like it, but you aren't. More women should have the balls to admit that they really don't want kids.
If i'm being completely honest with myself I don't want kids. I want a career, I want to travel, I want to have crazy sex all over the house whenever I want. I want to marry into a big family so that there are lots of kids around but I can give them back at the end. But there is also part of me that feels like I can't totally commit to being childless until I get married and maybe that will change. I don't imagine it will but it might. But like you I never felt like I NEED to be a mom and would NEVER do it alone if I don't get married. No WAY.
You raise two separate (though related) points: 1 - your desire/decision not to have children, and 2 - a distaste for conversations with others who want children or want to talk about their children. The first is your business and nothing for anyone else to challenge or question. The second seems a bit unrealistic, unless you decide to abandon or not talk to friends or acquantances who have and/or want children, because that's going to eliminate much of the population.
Jerry, I appreciate how you just get right to the heart of the matter.
Ms. Clean Slate, no worries about be long-winded. I'm sorry to hear things didn't necessarily turn out how you had planned. I hope you have reached a good place for you.
Blue, you have to do what works for you. Hope the job search is getting better.
Allison, I probably didn't explain the second point as clearly. The frustration that these women seem as if they've lost their identity now that they have kids on the brain. I know their children are a piece of them, but does that mean they lost interest in everything else?
Point taken. But as someone who has two young children, I can tell you that they tend to be all-consuming - of your time, of your energy, of your money, and sometimes of your ability to be interesting. I certainly make an effort to be a well-rounded person and not bore my childless friends with every detail of every sleepless night or every cute story of an adorably mispronounced word, but sometimes it's hard when you're exhausted and up to your ass in a laundry basket of mismatched tiny socks to see other aspects of life.
That being said, I do believe that there is a tendency among parents today to treat parenthood as if they're the first ones in history to every go through it and to assume that every minute of their day and every detail of their child's life is as interesting to everyone else as it is to them. I guess when it becomes tiresome, you could just say, "how adorable. So, have you seen Brad Pitt's new baseball movie? What did you think?" Hopefully, they'll take the hint. ;)
Stay True to You
Peace :-)
Ray
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