“So, as we circle back around to witness another royal engagement, where are we on the marriage question? Less wedded to it. The Pew survey reveals that nearly 40% of us think marriage is obsolete. This doesn't mean, though, that we're pessimistic about the future of the American family; we have more faith in the family than we do in the nation's education system or its economy. We're just more flexible about how family gets defined.” - Who Needs Marriage? How an American Institution Is Changing, Time Magazine [Complete article available here.]
After watching a nightly news bit on this story and the survey findings, The Thinker and I started to talk more about marriage and what it exactly is to us. Yes, we talked about this before he popped the question. It’s just that this prompted a little more discussion.
Neither of us really need to get married, if that makes any sense. The moment we decided to take the leap and merge households it was decided that it was going to be just the two of us from that point forward…the final commitment had been done. We just didn’t have the big party and get the government involved. To us marriage is nothing more than the legal act of binding two people.
As I’ve told you before, I am not exactly the typical girl in that I’ve always imagined my perfect wedding. Honestly, I would have pushed harder for the quick “make it legal” service with the justice of the peace, had it not been for my mom. (The things we do for our parents.) I also would have been just as content to have never tied the knot and remained living in sin.
Walking down the aisle January 22 doesn’t make me love The Thinker any more or any less. Like I said, the day we moved in together was the day I decided it was until death do us part. After the 22nd, we’ll just have the paper to make everything “official” in the eyes of the law.
And as a side, I still worry about the divorce rates and if The Thinker and I will prevail. Every day I remind myself to push aside the doubt and work towards making it a long, loving marriage. Who knew finding the man that’s your best friend and lover would change a long held conviction?
4 comments:
I hope you revisit this question two or three years after you are married. I know you believe that when you made the decision to move in together, you think that the final commitment was made.
I use to think that too, before I was married.
I now believe that marriage is something more than just a legal agreement. It changes the relationship, hopefully for the better.
That's what scares me most, Jerry. I don't want things to change. I'm happy with how it is now. Don't scare me.
I don't mean to scare you, but a relationship is not all about how happy you are now.
The real strength of a relationship comes out when you are not happy. Adversity, both physical and emotional, tests the strength of a relationship more than happiness, and marriage will strengthen the strong relationship and weaken the weak relationship.
Decide which you have and move in the appropriate direction without doubt, regret, or fear.
You are married in your heart or not, I don't think paper matters. But anyway life is messy and hopefully fun so I hope you have messy fun.:)
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