When the phone rang a little before 3:00 am, my heart ached and I knew. My beloved grandpa had passed away. Hearing the words between sobs caused my heart to shatter. I was surprised by my ability to hold it together for my mom. She continued to repeat over and over, that it was her fault for leaving him. That his biggest fear was dying alone and she allowed that. I wanted to reach through the phone and give her a hug, but all I could do was explain he knew we loved him and wanted nothing but the best for him.
After hanging up the phone or really just pushing end call, the body shaking sobs started. With The Thinker's arms wrapped tightly around me the emptiness consumed me. I was now awake with no possible way of welcoming sleep again. The kitty curled up next to me as her way of reassuring me and The Thinker drifted back to sleep.
At 3:00 am, all I had were the memories of my grandpa to comfort me. The one I will treasure the most is knowing he wanted me to take the risk and move to DC more than anyone else in my family. He was always my biggest supporter. Grandpa was such the supporter that he is the one that made the drive out here from Kansas along with my cousin. Well, he was our copilot or as my cousin put it, "He was one of those obnoxious backseat drivers." Not my mom, not my brother or sister and of course, not my dad. It was fitting that it was Grandpa.
The two and half day drive allowed quality time to hear stories of his childhood, to learn that he went on only one date with my grandma before heading off to WWII and that he proposed in his letter home to her before he was able to return. He didn't have any money to buy her a real ring, so he made do with one of out the penny machine until her could buy her a real one. (My mom still has that penny ring.)
He shared of how he dropped out of school in the 9th grade because it wasn't his cup of tea and his family was upset because he didn't then help on the farm in Missouri. Instead he hitchhiked his way across America; he wanted to see the ocean before he did anything else with life. He never shared of the war only how much he hated being in France, but the food was amazing in Brussels. He shared of how he would sneak away "to live" whenever he had the chance.
That's what my grandpa was about...living. He wanted to soak up every opportunity life afforded and that's what he wanted for his children and grandchildren. He wanted us to take advantage of every opportunity to live life to the fullest. He'd only remind us "to leave behind footprints you can be proud of."
Well, Grandpa, I hope you're proud of your footprints because you left quite the impression and I'm so proud of you. I will always hold a special place in my heart just for you.
2 comments:
Sending you prayers and extra bloggy love during this hard time, lady.
Please accept my sincere condolences. I know how much your Grandpa meant to you. It hurts to lose someone so close to you.
Remember, your Grandpa was about living. He will live on in your memory and will be there to greet you when you are ready to join him.
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