One year ago...

Sunday will mark the one year anniversary of my first date with The Thinker. When I mentioned this to him, he gave me his boyish grin and responded, “That doesn’t count. It’s January 2 because that's when I made you scream.”

Whatever...

I remember our first date like it was yesterday. We were both nervous and not certain of ourselves or the evening itself. Yet, there was a comfort with one another that I had never experienced before. It was like I had known him my entire life. The conversation never got weird and the moments of silence were natural. I didn’t fret about eating a huge platter of food. I didn't constantly feel like he was judging me.

I was at ease. I had met a man that accepted me. As I walked home with my hand in his, I knew something was different about him. We remember how I tried to push him away, but this man did what every girl secretly wants the man to do – he fought for me. And that’s why today, I find a sense of peace that I never knew could exist. I had fallen in love with my best friend.

How do you make this work?

As you know, The Thinker and I moved in with one another this past May. Every morning I have the pleasure of waking up next to the man I love and knowing that I’ll return home to him after my time out in the big bad world. Despite the loving bliss I have with him, I have spent the last couple of months struggling with the reality of living with someone.

Let me be clear in labeling this a “Miss Scorpio problem”. I have lived alone for over ten years. During that time, I grew accustomed to my own routine and ridiculous quirks. I also grew comfortable with spending time with no one but myself and in fact developed to a point of needing that time.

I have now learned that all of that has been thrown on its head after moving in with The Thinker. I find myself less inclined to wake at 4:45 am as I had done for the last couple of years to make my way to the gym. Why don’t I continue? I don’t want to disrupt his sleep and have him waking well before he needs to. I’ve started eating much heavier meals at night because I feel insulted and annoyed that he’s in the kitchen making peanut butter sandwiches only minutes after the table is cleared from dinner. I grow frustrated that he beats me home more often than not, leaving me with no time to just unwind.

I know that relationships involve compromise. I simply don’t know how to do so without fear of losing The Thinker. (This is probably leftover from my daddy issues and terrible relationship with Mr. X.) I know he loves me. When the words couldn’t form, but the tears spilled out of my eyes, he told me it was okay to be more selfish. I just don’t know how. If you live with you love, how do you balance it all?

Will you help me?

With my arms wrapped around him and my head resting on his shoulder, I could hear the soft sobs of pain escaping his body. Occasionally, I could feel a tear or two land on my hand. I tried to hold tighter hoping all the heartache and guilt inside of him would transfer to me, so I could make it all better.

I seldom talk of the details surrounding the personal lives of The Thinker and me. We could be any couple about town up to crazy antics or facing day to day life challenges. However, after seeing those tear well up in the corner of his eyes, I want to call on you. The details are seldom and even of more note, politics rarely have a place on here, despite living in Washington, DC where everyone has a cause.

During his time in the Air Force, The Thinker did not one but two tours – one in Iraq in 2005 and a second a few months later in Afghanistan. Despite not seeing combat, the time there changed something inside of him. We recently went to see the movie, The Messenger, and things became clearer for me as to why.



Time has passed since he’s been back, but I believe My Thinker is suffering from survivor’s guilt. As a result, he now strongly opposes American efforts in Afghanistan. I never paid much attention to our foreign policy. I would get worked up about social issues on the home front.

Now after holding The Thinker in my arms as he visibly hurt from knowing soldiers on the ground and seeing the pain and havoc war brings on individuals, families and a country as a whole, I’m asking for your help. Will you write your Senator and Congressman to express your concern? I have included a draft email or letter below, which you can tweak as you see fit. You can find your Congressman and Senators contact information here.

Dear Congressman/Senator,

I am writing you to express my concerns with the on-going wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. President Obama has recently authorized a large troop escalation in Afghanistan, even after running for President as a “peace” candidate. It is my belief that the war, and
President Obama’s proposed escalation, would exacerbate the terrorism problem and thus negatively impact America’s foreign policy and safety. I urge you to oppose the escalation and do everything you can to bring our troops home.

You don’t have to take my word for it. In 2004, the Defense Science Board, a committee of civilian experts that advises the Department of Defense, said “American direct intervention in the Muslim World has paradoxically elevated the stature of and support for radical Islamists, while diminishing support for the United States…” The full Defense Science Board Report can be found by going to http://www.acq.osd.mil/dsb/reports/2004-09-Strategic_Communication.pdf.

If the Defense Science Board is right, bringing our troops home would raise the safety and security of America and its citizens. I urge you to take whatever legislative action necessary to do just that.

Best Regards,
Your Name

It's all about the bird!

I apologize for not remaining a constant presence in your life. I don’t have a legitimate explanation to provide you other than I’ve been lazy.

Now that I have that little detail out of the way, I’d like to chat a little about Thanksgiving. I know everyone has since moved on since that was last week and in full on Christmas mode. But I was lazy and now I have the urge to write.

This Thanksgiving was the first time I’ve been away from family. I haven’t always spent the holiday with everyone, but at the very least my sister and I have found a way to get together.

There was one year in undergrad that we decided to boycott the family for some reason - must not have been too important, since I cannot seem to remember it for the live of me. We started the day by heading into Blockbuster in our PJs to stock up on movies to hold us over until the football games commenced. We then proceeded to order pizza and lay around on the couch. When that was just too much for us, we took a break by wandering around the Wal-Mart Super Center.

And just last year, I flew down to Atlanta to spend time with her again. Instead of Wal-Mart and pizza, I spent the morning in the gym sweating my ass off. Dinner was somewhat healthier – grilled steaks and baked sweet potatoes.

So this year, when the initial plan of driving up to Pennsylvania to spend it with The Thinker’s parents fell through. We decided to stay put in DC and invite other Thanksgiving orphans over to our place. I was terrified as this was the first time I’ve ever cooked the Thanksgiving meal. I wanted to test run the turkey, but The Thinker was certain that would just be ridiculous. I lost the argument of, “No one will remember if the potatoes suck. It’s all about THE BIRD!”

I’m pleased to report the bird was a success. The skin was crispy. The meat was juicy and full of flavor. Forget the fact that I used close to two sticks of butter to achieve that. The rest of the meal including mashed sweet potatoes, sautéed green beans, corn dressing and pumpkin biscuits were also awesome. I really out did myself.


I missed not having my sister there, but overall I’d be okay if this became the new tradition The Thinker and I start.