Wedded bliss?

The date is set. The dress has been purchased. All that remains is saying I do, and for me to accept the fact that C-Mac will be a married man on January 5, 2009. He will no longer be the man in my life. I will no longer have a guaranteed travel companion or a sidekick in life for that matter. He’s become the man to another very fortunate woman.

I searched for a card, but Hallmark just doesn’t make one that says “I’m sorry I freaked out on you. Honestly, I support your decision to marry the first woman you’ve dated since your last marriage failed.” Not successful with the perfect card, I sent him a handwritten letter. He would have been content with a phone call, but we know of my inability to express emotional issues. It took me four hours and over 20 attempts to write my best friend the appropriate letter.

The letter arrived and of course C-Mac had to call. Sometimes, I think he likes to watch me squirm. He apologized, but wanted to assure me that he was deeply touched that one woman loves him as much as I do. We then discussed the possibility of him coming to visit in March because he promised to spend time with me before tying the knot. He knows it will be after the fact, but it’s the thought that counts. (The March visit is still up in the air. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you posted.)

After hanging up the phone, C-Mac left me questioning the whole idea of marriage. What does it mean to me? Do I want that? Can it really last forever?

Most little girls dream of finding their prince charming, which is followed by the fairytale wedding allowing them to be princess for a day. After the wedding they settle into their charming house with the picket white fence and prepare for a life with the 2.5 kids and a dog. Well, I never shared in that dream. My cousins and friends would drape the pillow case over their head and collect dandelions for their bouquets so they could march down the front lawn at my grandma’s house. If I didn’t officiate the ceremony, I’d take off on my bike to see what the boys were up to down the street at the baseball park.

My dream never involved being princess for a day. As long as I can remember my mom told me I could be anything I wanted as long as I put my mind to it. So my dreams always involved me living in a penthouse apartment in the city. The city varied, but was always along the east coast. The job was always glamorous and powerful. And the apartment was always mine. No man owned it and allowed me to stay there. If a man slipped into my dream, it was because I allowed him to visit for a brief moment. Visiting with C-Mac makes me want to formulate the plan that has my dream becoming a reality.

I think marriage is a ridiculous notion. How can a ceremony that usually costs way too much and a piece of paper prove that you love someone? And bigger yet, how does this ensure that your love will last forever? Forever is an awfully long time.

My parents haven’t exactly provided a solid model for me to reference as to how marriage should work. As I’ve watched friends marry, I always think of it as a funeral (trust me there are times where I've wanted to wear black)...the death of their single life. They disappear off to pursue the dream of the picket white fence, leaving me to whatever is the life of a single girl to only hear a year or two later that they are filing for divorce. Why put yourself through all of that expense – both financial and emotional - knowing the numbers aren't always in your favor?

According to Enrichment Journal on the divorce rate in America:

• The divorce rate in America for the first marriage is 41%
• The divorce rate in America for the second marriage is 60%
• The divorce rate in America for the third marriage is 73%

Perhaps, Mr. X left me jaded about finding one true love and I just haven’t found the one. But I don’t believe there is one person that you’re meant to spend your life with. I believe that people come into your life to teach you different lessons at various points. One person may be there to teach, while another may arrive to help you through a difficult point, to help you heal and love you. Others may arrive to simply provide you with great pleasure.

Not to mention, I really don’t want or need all of the wedding hoopla. If I find a man that I love and want to spend my life with, I don’t need a ceremony to prove that love. And I definitely, don’t need the government issuing a piece of paper to prove it. I’ll know in my heart. Isn’t that where is should matter most?

As of now, there are no immediate plans on the horizon for a dress and ring. I need to work on purchasing that penthouse.